Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Dear Dale,

I am a 24 year old Bro, and I long for life on the road sometimes. I wonder what life would be like as a trucker. Are those guys awesome or what? Do you think it's true that they are the last cowboys?

Philip Charles Pimberton

Dear Finny,

I can assure you that your shiny new life as a trucker would surely exceed the wildest of your expectations in every way. If I hadn't devoted my life to being a reggae singer you can bet your ass I'd be out there hauling a load of freight across the country, connecting A and B, creating what we think of as America. And blow your mind with this why don't you: when you consider Merle Haggard and the open sky seen through a windshield, the thrust and fumes of burning diesel, the string of witty, toothless truck stop waitresses, and the boundless capabilities of wireless communications, wouldn't you stand to lose more than gain by NOT trucking? Motherfuck!

Never again disgrace my inbox with such a foolish query.


Saturday, April 21, 2007

virgil thompson

are you THE virgil thompson?

did you used to have a blond mullet? like WHITE blond? and you thought you were so cool because your dad bought the roller skating rink? i think you lived in foxfire neighborhood back then.

i heard you were still a tool and, well, that's if it's actually you, i'm inclined to believe it, since you still live in crossville and work for your dad. still live with him, too? you've got to be close to thirty by now, right? has he bought any roller skating rinks for you to impress your friends with lately?

keep me posted. i have to know what happens to the coolest kid long after kidhood is over. i'm considering two options for what happened to you, booze or jesus, am i right?

keep on rockin',
dale shipley

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


Dear PBR,

I moved to Florida from Minneapolis, where there was practically PBR falling out of the sky. Now I got nothin'.

Imagine this: nowhere you go sells PBR. That's really happening to me.

I am getting sick of other beer, so can you please help me find a vendor? I'm not joking, not trying to swindle some coupon, I'm just a guy who loves your beer and wants to find and drink it.

The find a place feature on this site:
doesn't work, in case you were going to recommend that.

Help me Obi-wan, you're my only hope.



I am so sorry, but it seems you live in one of the few areas of FL where PBR is not available. At this time, there is a total of 12 PBR distributors throughout the state, but it looks like not one of them is close enough to service your area. FYI, here are the cities where the distributors are located:


Ft. Pierce


Lake Worth



Ormand Beach

Panama City


Pompano Beach (this one looks like the closest of all the distributors)



FYI, there used to be a distributor in Ft. Meyers who carried PBR, but he’s not showing up on my search. If I were you, I would call the Pompano Beach distributor just to see how close the nearest PBR retailer is to your area. The distributor is Gold Coast Beverage Distributors, (305) 591-9800. Also, if you need any of the other distributors info, just let me know…..


Monday, February 05, 2007

Richard Chavez, senior pastor, Burtonsville baptist church

I'm hearing a lot about how science and god don't get along, but if god made everything, and there's science, didn't god make science? What's up with that?

Also, can you please ask god to get rid of those annoying pro-life billboards with the babies wearing baseball caps? He obviously isn't listening to me when I do it.

Dale Shipley