dale's mails

2007-11-21T19:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Dale,

I am a 24 year old Bro, and I long for life on the road sometimes. I wonder what life would be like as a trucker. Are those guys awesome or what? Do you think it's true that they are the last cowboys?

Regards,
Philip Charles Pimberton

Dear Finny,

I can assure you that your shiny new life as a trucker would surely exceed the wildest of your expectations in every way. If I hadn't devoted my life to being a reggae singer you can bet your ass I'd be out there hauling a load of freight across the country, connecting A and B, creating what we think of as America. And blow your mind with this why don't you: when you consider Merle Haggard and the open sky seen through a windshield, the thrust and fumes of burning diesel, the string of witty, toothless truck stop waitresses, and the boundless capabilities of wireless communications, wouldn't you stand to lose more than gain by NOT trucking? Motherfuck!

Never again disgrace my inbox with such a foolish query.

-Dale

virgil thompson

2007-04-21T15:42:00.001-07:00

are you THE virgil thompson?

did you used to have a blond mullet? like WHITE blond? and you thought you were so cool because your dad bought the roller skating rink? i think you lived in foxfire neighborhood back then.

i heard you were still a tool and, well, that's if it's actually you, i'm inclined to believe it, since you still live in crossville and work for your dad. still live with him, too? you've got to be close to thirty by now, right? has he bought any roller skating rinks for you to impress your friends with lately?

keep me posted. i have to know what happens to the coolest kid long after kidhood is over. i'm considering two options for what happened to you, booze or jesus, am i right?

keep on rockin',
dale shipley

PBR

2007-02-27T15:46:00.000-08:00

Dear PBR,

I moved to Florida from Minneapolis, where there was practically PBR falling out of the sky. Now I got nothin'.

Imagine this: nowhere you go sells PBR. That's really happening to me.

I am getting sick of other beer, so can you please help me find a vendor? I'm not joking, not trying to swindle some coupon, I'm just a guy who loves your beer and wants to find and drink it.

The find a place feature on this site:
http://www.pabst.com/mainpage.html
doesn't work, in case you were going to recommend that.

Help me Obi-wan, you're my only hope.

Thanks,
Dale

---------------------------------------------------------

I am so sorry, but it seems you live in one of the few areas of FL where PBR is not available. At this time, there is a total of 12 PBR distributors throughout the state, but it looks like not one of them is close enough to service your area. FYI, here are the cities where the distributors are located:

Miami

Ft. Pierce

Jacksonville

Lake Worth

Ocala

Orlando

Ormand Beach

Panama City

Pensacola

Pompano Beach (this one looks like the closest of all the distributors)

Tallahassee

Tampa

FYI, there used to be a distributor in Ft. Meyers who carried PBR, but he’s not showing up on my search. If I were you, I would call the Pompano Beach distributor just to see how close the nearest PBR retailer is to your area. The distributor is Gold Coast Beverage Distributors, (305) 591-9800. Also, if you need any of the other distributors info, just let me know…..

Thanks

Richard Chavez, senior pastor, Burtonsville baptist church

2007-02-05T21:22:00.000-08:00

I'm hearing a lot about how science and god don't get along, but if god made everything, and there's science, didn't god make science? What's up with that?

Also, can you please ask god to get rid of those annoying pro-life billboards with the babies wearing baseball caps? He obviously isn't listening to me when I do it.

Thanks,
Dale Shipley

Dear Jonny Lang

2006-12-30T15:40:00.000-08:00

You're obviously aware by now you succeeded in music because you simultaneously sounded less gay than the rest of the "musicians" in your age group, and yet you could have appeared on the cover of Lisa Simpson's "non-threatening boys magazine". You weren't a scary black guy but you sounded kind of like one. You were poised to make a buck and go the way of your cultural predecessor, harmless paleface Rick Astley. I waited for this to happen and thought it did.

But you couldn't just go away. You had to show up on the local news to pitifully relate your descent into the world of people who would sell you drugs. Boo hoo. Not that it's your fault for the slowness of the news day, but just like a million other celebrities that couldn't handle their vicodin, your lack of self-restraint doesn't merit airtime. My trigger finger itched on the channel button; an epic struggle of mediocre proportions raged within me. Then you dropped the bomb.

You got out of your downward spiral and took control of your life again, all thanks to the lord. When I heard that, my eyes rolled so far back in my head I'm lucky didn't make a round trip.

It's ironic that the mild form of suffering you ever got to know anything about actually came as a result of being the overprivileged little pussy faggot you are. Are people supposed to respect you? You made your money exploiting an art form created by people with whom you share no life experience at all; they were real people with real uphill battles to fight in life.

The only reality you know is one in which kind people handle you and your gift of sounding like you have a coal train stuck in your throat with kid gloves, and it's rude to continue to abuse their kindness in this way. Soapboxing about god is the most predictable thing you could possibly be doing, and since god is made up in the first place, it's a grotesquely nugatory, fatuous position to take. And even though I have no reason to care, it embarrasses me to watch anyone being such a tool.

Get a fucking life,
Dale Shipley

Dear Trane air conditioning and heating

2006-12-29T07:57:00.000-08:00

Your ad, "It's hard to stop a trane", gives my family hours of pleasure, as we dissect the manifold associations it presumably intends.

Each night as we gather round the dinner table, it's common to hear little Tamara with the lisp shrieking with glee: "It's altho hard to thtop a T-R-A-I-N! Get it?! HAHAHAHA!!"

Then we all laugh and look out our window at the collage of your ads we've cut out of various magazines and circulars, to look upon lovingly, as we hold each other close and cherish one another, and your brilliant phrase, year after hilarious year. You know what ELSE is hard to stop? The funnyness of your ads!!!!

Thank you SO MUCH.

Joseph Eilefson

2006-12-12T16:48:00.000-08:00

Atheists like myself tend to write screeds, largely in response to living in a world full of people who regulate everybody's lives according to their more or less arbitrary interpretation of ancient dogma. These screeds tend to bore, but we do it anyway, because how else can we cope.

But as I have seen today, we're not the only ones who get in front of the keyboard and freak out.

This came to me as it came to my friend Katie, who got it as a mass email from someone she goes to school with. Peer, if you dare, into the heart of darkness that is this evolution-hatin' father of two lucky girls, who I'm sure can expect one hell of an upbringing!

I now yield the balance of my time to the crazed Joseph Eilefson, who like Jesco White or Average Homeboy, lampoons himself better than anyone else ever could. No, Joseph, thank you.

This letter was written in response to those professors who promote godless evolution. I am sick of hearing about our conversion to bi-pedalism or that we should graze throughout the day because that is what the great gorillas do. I consider it a direct attack on Jesus Christ and I will not be silent. These professors are destroying the faith of our kids. I also wrote this for my two daughters Amanda and Cassandra whom I love with all my heart. I also wrote this for Jonelle.

I have a big question. Did death bring man into the world or did man bring death into the world?

Answer: Evolution is a religion of death for which there is no scientific evidence. But evolution isn't about science its about lust.

2 Peter 2.3-6

Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,

And saying, where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.

For this they willingly are ignorant of, that by the word of God the heavens were of old, and the earth standing out of the water and in the water:

Whereby the world that then was being overflowed with water perished.

The scoffers are willingly ignorant of two facts. That six thousand years ago, in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea and all that in them is. Forty-four hundred years ago He flooded the place.

The scoffers are right on time.

Charlie Lyell said his goal was to, "free the science from Moses." In 1830 he said each layer of the earth is a different age. He gave each layer of rock a name and an index fossil and called it the "geologic column." The lawyer from Scotland made the whole thing up out of the clear blue sky. It doesn't make any sense. Wouldn't the whole earth be the same age? Where do you get the dirt for each new layer? Were new layers of dirt added from outer space every few million years burying everything? (IT’S CALLED EROSION, FUCKER!!)No, the layering of the earth is from the flood. Go home, get a jar of dirt, put some water in it, shake it up and it will settle into layers for you in a matter of seconds, its called hydrologic sorting. The flood is the only way to explain the layering of the earth's surface. God did it that way so we may be without excuse.

Romans 2.20

For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse.

Charles Darwin made a stop in the Galapacos Islands where he noticed some birds had different beaks. From this he deduced that we all came from a rock. He was quoted as saying later in life, "that sometimes a sick feeling comes over me when I think that I may have devoted my life to a fantasy." You sure did Charlie. Evolution is a fairy tale for grown ups who want to satisfy the flesh.

2 Timothy 4.3,4

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears;

And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.

Evolution is much more than an ape turning into a man. That's just the tip of the iceberg.

1) If your going to have a creation your going to first need some time, space and matter. The evolutionists don't even have a theory for this. The Bible does.

Genesis 1.1

In the beginning (time) God created the heaven (space) and the earth (matter).

2) Then you have to account for chemical evolution. All the elements of the periodic table would have to evolve. The evolutionists theorize that this happened in the big bang through fusion. The problem is you can't fuse past iron, so where do we get the rest of the elements?

3) Now you need stellar evolution. The evolution of the stars and planets. No one has ever seen a star form. The silent emabarrassment in astrophysics is they don't even know how a single star could form. Stars break every gas law known to man. Yet there are enough stars out there right now, that we know about, that every person on the planet could each own 11 trillion of them. The Bible says God made the stars and gave a name to each one of them.

4) Now you need organic evolution. The evolution of living material. No one has a clue how a living organism can get started from none living material. Genetic research has revealed that the tinyest bacteria is infinitely more complex than the space shuttle. The DNA strand in a bacteria could stretch back and forth to the moon several times. The code must be in precise order. You want me to believe that something that complex just popped into existence?

5) Now our little bacteria can evolve into every living thing we see today. Although no one has ever seen a dog produce a cat. The Bible says they bring forth after their kind.

I have heard many theories that try to account for the creation we see (Ort clouds, magnetic reversals, exc.). Just so you understand that a theory is just that, a theory. It does not become part of the fact column until you can test and demonstrate and prove it. That's science. You can have any theory you want, but it's not science until you prove it. Evolution is a theory. It's a religion. You have to believe that it happened because there's no scientic evidence. Evolution only occurs in one place, in the minds of lustful men.

Evolution is the foundation for Satan's new world order. An order that has woman as the head of man and Satan as the head of woman.

God's way is to bring life to the woman through the man.

Genesis Chapter 2, And the Lord God took one of Adam's ribs and made he a woman and brought her unto the man.

Satan's way is to bring death to the man through the woman.

Genesis Chapter 3, And Eve gave to her husband and he did eat.

There are only two kinds of relationships in this world. Godly, where man is the head of the woman and Christ is the head of the man; and ungodly, where woman is the head of the man and the antichrist is the head of the woman.

To love a woman, a man must submit his sexuality to Christ. To love, a man must have his heart circumcised by the Word of God.

Genesis 17.10

This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.

This is every man's cross. He may not do whatever he pleases with his flesh. This is the real reason for the evolution theory; To pervert the relationship between man and woman. Scoffers, walking after their own lusts. Evolution says there is no God (scoff). There are no rules of engagement (lust).

You see, before a man can defile his neighbor he has to get rid of God. But then you have to answer the big question. Where did we come from? Then the fairy tale starts. Billions of years ago........

Jesus knew this would happen. That's why when they asked him about adultery he spoke of creation.

Matthew 19.4-9

And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Jesus said that the creation of Adam and Eve was the beginning.

But its what he said next that drives the evolution theory.

And for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. The Bible says marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled but adulterers and whoremongers God will judge. The scoffers don't like being told what to do with their flesh.

So when was this beginning? The Bible says Adam lived an hundred and thirty years and begat Seth. Seth lived an hundred and five years and begat Enos. Enos lived ninety years and begat Cainan. And so forth. If you add up the dates in the Bible your going to get roughly four thousand years to birth of Christ. That means according to the Bible the earth is six thousand years old because Jesus said the creation of Adam was the beginning. That means if you can prove the earth is millions of years old you can discredit the scriptures. Then you can do what you want with your flesh.

Evolution takes the bricks out of the briefcase. It's a ridiculous lie of course but it is very attractive to man because there is no cross to bear. But love is at the cross. A man loves a woman through sacrifice.

Ephesians 5.25

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

Evolution is a very dangerous theory because at it's core is lust. And lust is extremely destructive. They introduced evolution into public school in 1960. Within five years every ill of society skyrocketed. Teen suicide, rape, abortion, murder, incest, drug abuse all went through the roof. They called it "free love." You see lust doesn't care about anything but itself. The scoffers don't care how many kids get sacrificed or who gets murdered. Lust only cares about one thing - self satisfaction.

This is it. We're coming down the home stretch. We've now got a religion that's a billion people strong that is nothing more than a walk in the flesh. You can have one, two, three, or four wives and if that isn't enough, 15 minute marriages are permitted (on the side). Where do I sign up? And if anyone's got a problem with it you just declare Jihad on them. Violence. Where do the wars of the world come from, is it not from your lust?

Do not be deceived as Eve was. Satan wants man to put the gift (woman) ahead of the giver (God). To value the creation more than the Creator. Original sin. This is how death came into the world.

I realize some of you may be offended. The truth is sometimes a hard thing to hear. But I want each of you to have a good life. The truth is one of the most loving things anyone can show you. Love and truth, they go hand and hand.

Oh, dinosaurs -- big lizards that lived before the flood. Everything was bigger before the flood and lived a lot longer. Reptiles never stop growing.

Job 40.15-21

Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee........

He moveth his tail like a cedar (that's not an elephant).........

He is the chief of the ways of God........

He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens (the swamp).

The truth is dinosaurs have always lived with man. They didn't live 75 million years ago, there is no 75 million years ago. There are literally thousands of scientific factors that limit the age of the earth to less than 30 thousand years. Here's a couple to think about. The spin of the earth is slowing down. Which means in the past it was spinning faster. The moon is moving farther from the earth. In the past it was closer. The sun is burning and its diameter is shrinking. It was bigger. The earth is cooling and its electomagnetic field is shrinking, in the past 100 years the electomagnetic field has shrunk 15%. In the past it was stronger. If you go back 6 thousand years this is not a problem. At the time of Adam the day would have been 20 minutes shorter. The tide would have been a little bigger. The sun would be a little closer and the electromagnetic field would be quite a bit stronger but not enough to cause any problems. But if you go back 75 million years then we got a problem. At the rate the moon is leaving it would have been hovering over the earth's surface 2 million years ago. The earth would be spinning so fast that each day would last roughly 2 seconds. The winds would blow at thousands of miles per hour from the correolis effect. Actually the earth would have been burned up by the sun 2 million years ago. Do I have to go on. Like I said I could list thousands of limiting factors for the age of the earth. Someone could say that the rate hasn't always been the same or that the moon vasilates between certain parameters, therefore never causing a problem. Of course this would all be speculation, theory, not science, and like I said they would have to do this for thousands of limiting factors. At some point it would be a gargantuan violation of reason and logic to believe the earth could ever be more than 30 thousand years old. Why didn't they teach you that in school? Because those that have taken over the public school system want you to believe there is no God. The head of their organization is Satan. They are lying to our children and destroying their faith right now and the affects on society will be catastophic. You see science, not ridiculous, untestable theories, but science proves beyond any reasonable doubt that the earth is not very old. Why is this important? Because there is only one book that will tell you this. It's called the Bible and its right on the money in every way. The Bible says the creation waxes old as doth a garment. It was not created to last 75 million years. How could the author know that? If it didn't come from God who's the author? That leaves a bunch of old guys in the Middle East who lived from 4000 to 2000 years ago. Have you ever read this book? There's no way. Anyone who's ever read The King James Bible knows that there's no way a bunch of old guys wrote this over a 2000 year span. I wouldn't even know where to begin to explain the complexity of that book. The further you dig the more you find, it is literally an endless source of knowledge and wisdom that can speak to any man on what seems to be infinite levels. It's a slam dunk. It's a no brainer. But if you want to go on believing that the old guys put it together you just go right ahead and enjoy yourself. You're deluded. Insane really and according to the Word of God condemned.

John 3.36

He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.

You better make sure it was some old guys and not you who are crazy. The only people who don't believe are the people who have never read the Bible. Funny isn't it, faith cometh be hearing and hearing by the Word of God. The ability to believe it is in the Word itself and these people can't figure out how anyone could believe it. The truth is once you're exposed to it you can't not believe it. These people have never seeked and they can't understand why they haven't found. And why? Well were right back to where we started. The flesh. Man's flesh wants nothing to do with God. God is a spirit and those that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. This world is full of uncircumcised men who walk after the flesh and not after the spirit. And ladies they cannot love you. It's not love and the sooner you come to grips with it the better because it is the love of the man for the woman that is the foundation of their relationship. God is love and those that love choose to live God's way.

Ladies know this, the only thing a man really values is his sexuality. That's why God put his mark in the flesh of man's penis. He is saying, those that will walk with me, those that will make a covenant with me must submit their sexuality to me. Every man child amoung you shall be circumcised. When a man submits his sexuality he has submitted his life. When a man makes this sacrifice he builds great value in the woman. He has paid a great price. He has paid the price required to love her and this love will be a well spring of life. God's way is to bring life to the woman through the man. And this life comes from Jesus. Every man child amoung you shall be circumcised. I don't care what a man says or does if he does not make this covenant he is not building his life on Christ and you have been deceived if you think he loves you or you can build a life with him. Everything that's not founded on Christ is coming down and it's fall shall be great. Why do you think there's so much adultery in the world? If a man can't be faithful with you before you are married why would you think he can be faithful without you after you are married?

Guys don't fight it, embrace it. God is not asking you to do something you are not capable of. You were created to sacrifice, you can do it! You can do all things through Christ who will strengthen you if you ask Him. Here's the truth, love requires a sacrifice. One of the parties must make a sacrifice to start the love affair. That's just the way it is. Somebodies got to go first. God didn't give women this intense need for sex. It's not a sacrifice for them (WHAT?!?). Every man child. God gave man a penis in part so you would have something to sacrifice. The sacrifice needed to start the love affair is in your flesh. It's why man is the head of the woman. They are called to love first with a sacrifice of their flesh, this sacrifice gives them the right of headship. It's the only way you will ever be head of a woman. Why in the world would a woman submit to a man? There's only one reason. Because he loves her and gave himself for her. If you want to be in authority you must be under authority. Every man child amoung you shall be circimcised. You will not gain authority through pleasure but sacrifice. You must use your heart not your penis. If you are overcome by a woman's sexuality she will become your head. Whatsoever a man is overcome by the same is he brought into submission to. It is a reversal of God's order. It's not about the apple but the order. Eve ate first but there was no sin in this world until Adam ate. Adam was the head and he knew the score. The Bible says Adam was the one in transgression because he was not deceived.

When God showed up after the fall he went looking for Adam. To paraphrase, Adam said I'm not running the place anymore, Eve is. So God went to Eve and said what's going on? Eve said the serpent beguiled me. In Genesis chapter 3 we see the perversion of God's order as He goes from Adam to Eve to Satan. We also have the Bible's first prophesy as God tells Satan I'll be sending my boy to get this back. We also a picture of modern relationships. And guys you will be held responsible. If you deceive a woman into thinking it is love when you know it is lust. You see Eve didn't know, it was Adam's job to protect her and he didn't do it. Women do not know, they will never know what it's like have a penis. To carry that cross. To know the sacrifice a man is required to make. They don't understand male lust and the lengths men go to to satisfy it. They really believe evolution is about science. Because they don't know they can be deceived. Women were not created to be deceived but to be loved. Men know deep down that they have to make a sacrifice if they are to love but many choose to deceive women instead. Men you will be the one in transgression, the fall of your family and society will be in your hands because you have the inside information.

Every man child amoung you shall be circumcised. Now quit making up silly theories that get rid of God and do what you were created to do. Bring the life you were created to bring. It's up to you guys.

For the truth about dinosaurs and scientific reasons for the longevity of man pre flood go to drdino.com

Truthfully,

Joe Eilefson

One more thing, on the seventh day God rested. There remaineth a rest for the Lord's people. You mighty men of valor will not always have to fight.

Revelation 3.21

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne.

Q.E.D.

Dear hospital interior design people

2006-10-20T10:23:00.000-07:00

I was walking through the tastefully decorated and smartly laid out new radiology waiting room today (great job) when I noticed two unmarked doors at the end behind the island fish tank. Upon inspection, they're obviously family consulting rooms.

It would be nice if they were marked for the benefit of the families, with signs. We could have the good news room and the bad news room. That way people wouldn't get their hopes up as they passed into them; they'd kind of see it coming.

This is a great opportunity for improved service. If I don't hear back from you I'll have to mark the rooms myself. There are perfect little sign holders ready to go.

Thanks,
Dale

Dear institute for creation research

2006-09-21T05:55:00.000-07:00

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/09/060920-baby-photos.html

TTFN,
Dale

Dear WIllie Nelson

2006-09-19T04:45:00.000-07:00

I heard that you got in trouble for having marijuana on your tour bus, and that sucks. But you know what? I'd much rather have to be sent to jail by a government looking out for my best interest than continue to use dangerous drugs.

Check this out. According to the government's website, "the short-term effects of marijuana can include problems with memory and learning; distorted perception; difficulty in thinking and problem solving; loss of coordination; and increased heart rate." It's bad for you! And why would they lie? It's America, man, where the government is of, by, and for the people, so it's really like your conscience telling you not to smoke the wacky tobaccy!

Marijuana anonymous can help, too! They have twelve steps, and it looks like they can help you. With support from people who care, god can rescue you from your shameful addiction. And why would religious people fuck with you? They're trying to save your soul from burning in a lake of fire!

The great singer Pat Boone once said god will get you high, and he won't let you down. So lay down your pipe, William Nelson, and walk side by side with the lord. Then you can tell everybody else what to do all the time, which is way cooler than hiding in your tour bus with a bunch of pothead sinners.

Love, Dale

P.S. I am totally kidding.

open letter to the dilletante collectors on ebay who drive up the price of my tools

2006-09-12T05:52:00.000-07:00

Watchmaking is a job, not a curiosity. If I ever come to your house and see good tools sitting on your mantle, and I ask if you got them on ebay, and you say yes, I'm going to sock you in the mouth and take them from you. If you want to collect something made out of metal, discover steampunk swag.

Assholes.

maynard256 at livejournal

2006-08-13T21:44:00.000-07:00

I love me some whiny blogging bitches. I've been known to demand to see their tits, always with the m.o. of convincing them of the undeniable truth that their tits are the most interesting thing about them. They always hate the shit out of me for it. It's almost too easy.

Here's maynard256 at livejournal, who I saw when I was grabbing a graphic from this guy for redisplay at my main page:

Breaking with tradition here at my mailbag page, this isn't actually email, but rather an exchange from the comment section of one of her posts about all her horrible, awful problems that no one would ever understand. Wah.

I totally come off like a perv, but it's a small price to pay to help this girl understand that no one would give a shit about her whiny ass unless they were
1) family
2) slaves
3) faking it because they want to see her tits

And slaves are illegal. We begin.
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Do you show your tits ever? 'Cause that I would love to see. Sorry off topic. Hope life doesn't get you so down in the future. We all know what it's like to be at the mercy of how we feel. That's what your twenties are for -- it simmers down after a while. Really, it'll all calm down once you quit worrying about it. And if you want to show me your tits, that's awesome too.

Dale
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
----------------------------------------------------

Whoever you are, I've been suffering with a REAL mental illness since I was 16. It's called Bipolar, asshole, I'm not just LETTING my feelings get me down. That's why I take medicine and see a psychiatrist.

That's NOT what my fucking twenties are for. This isn't just piddly teen-angst bullshit spilling over into adulthood, this is something that WON'T all calm down once I quit worrying about it, it's a fucking CHRONIC ILLNESS. I will never be able to go a day with out medication for THE REST OF MY LIFE. READ UP ON IT, it's a real fucking joyride.

Do you approach women in person with the same kind of tact that you did me? If you do, I bet you're up to your neck in pussy. What kind of women buy that kind of shit? Because I'm sure they're all top shelf.

Did you also use that same kind of tact when you took this? I'm sure telling Anthony he has nice tits buttered him up well enough for him to just let you have it.

You're pathetic. Go trolling in someone else's journal, Jackass.
---------------------------------------------------

Good for you tattletale, I totally passed that art off as my own and I need to be stopped. If you look at two days ago I link straight to the talent at Nedroid. While you're at it, warn the other five million people I've showcased the graphics of over the last three years, almost every one of which I've credited at a point coeval with the appearance of.

And it's also good for you that you consider yourself to be a victim of some terrible emotional disease that you milk on your blog, sorry, typepad.

Gimme a little credit. I was genuinely trying to give you an opportunity to show a side of yourself that isn't totaly absorbed in your whiny, victim-y problems, those specifically being your titties. Shit, at least your tits are normal and can enjoy a full and healthy life. I take this to mean you aren't going to show them off, even though your profile picture makes it look like you're going to? Either way, I hope we can still be friends. Me and your tits, I mean.

Don't cry yourself to sleep, please,
Dale

-------------------------------------------------------
[That's more or less the end. At this point in our repartee, which was shaping up to be at least semi-authentic if lop-sided, she decides to carve my name on herself,

can I have your last name so I can give you PROPER CREDIT?

and I think she's probably nuts enough to be telling the truth. Great. I try to save a little face with another comment about her being a closet exhibitionist (and even a moment of genuine medical advice, effectively "don't take any wooden nickels"), but the thrill's gone out of it. I could post my last missive to her but the delivery of it into such a dumb and sad corner makes it boring. Why punch a dead guy. I just have one final thought on the subject of maynard256 at livejournal and whiny little girls that overpopulate the internet in general.

If you're going to whine on the internet, don't be surprised if someone jumps your shit. It's a hard world so get used to it, and don't try to threaten me with carving my name into your skin. By the way. before I changed it, my last name was XXKXKKXXXKKXKXKKXKXXKKXKson. Get pictures, no tits required. (I'm originally from a small village in KXKXKXKXistan.) Shit, what's the poor bastard who actually sees your tits and then dumps your crazy ass going to have done in his honor? You gonna snort some popcorn salt and then blog about that? That'll show him! Are you gonna gargle drano? I bet then they'll all be sorry! But ol' maynard256 will never kill herself, 'cause how could she milk it on her blog afterwards?

I can't believe that the norm consists of feeling sorry for dipshits like this rather than telling them like it is. Reality isn't for everybody, so if you can't take it, vacate the premises. I refuse to acquiesce to bitch-ass pity parties internet or not, livejournal or not, carving on yourself or not.

Debutantes used to "come out", ever heard of that? When they did, they were fair game for all the intrigue and complication society could throw at them. Little girlies who aren't "out" yet have no business in the company of adults. When I send them back to the kitchen for more seasoning, it's for the good of everyone.]

my department heads

2006-08-13T08:41:00.000-07:00

These guys are the big bosses and wield extraordinary power and influence. They're kind of like the dragon at the end of super mario brothers. Notice the lack of ironic flair and what a pussy I sound like.

We are throwing away lots of things that have to be refrigerated and that aren't. More often than not they're expensive.

I've heard [one of you] jest you've been looking around for a briefcase containing a few million dollars and while this might be less appealing, I think it would be worthwhile to pursue a means of teaching people how much money they're throwing away. [One of our retired coworkers] was famous for writing prices on envelopes and making sure you knew how bad it would be to blow it on a dose of zenapax. I'm not advocating we adopt "the [retired coworker] method", but it was effective in getting me and other people to pay closer attention.

Someone here had to throw away six vials of Alteplase yesterday that were warm in a bucket. No one knew how long they'd been sitting there. This is one of the things I'm not sure anyone tells you about, and losses this big and this regular should not be ignored. Someone's just handed me another vial of it just now, and after I check to see if it's hazardous waste or not, it's going in the appropriate trash receptacle, as well. I turn it over in my hand and wonder how many of them I would have to prevent the discarding of to justify my spot on the payroll. Then there's the octreotide and darbepoetin that on so many occasions have also died on the proverbial vine. I could go on, but it would only be for effect and we're all needing to get important work done.

I've considered that you don't need me telling you this; I'm sure you have spreadsheets that stretch beyond my imagination.

If we're holding back on overtime in order to save less money than we're throwing away in expired refrigerated meds as a result of not having people here long enough to get their drugs put away, it strikes me that this seems like bad way to do things. However, I'm nearly positive it's not an issue of people not being here long enough to do it. I think it's that they're unclear on expense and are ignorantly spending dollars to save dimes.

I could have made this shorter and just said we could use a sort of guideline that goes something like :
No aspirin tablets should ever be put on the shelf until all the refrigerated meds are refrigerated.
But I didn't want to be so messianic without an explanation, which I now feel satisfied I have provided.

Dear KDWB

2006-07-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

I was going to try to think of something funny to say about how your station plays the best music and I find it to be highly enriching and valuable, but I couldn't, not even as a joke. That's how bad your station is.

It's so totally without value that my conscience will not allow me cool flippancy. Your radio station, "number one for today'shit music" (I'm keeping the Freudian typo, thanks), broadcasts something so inferior to silence that its existence baffles me. The free market is supposed to weed out things that suck, the same way natural selection weeds out unworkable genetic mutations. What is the mechanism by which you defy this law of the marketplace?

Why not shut the radio off, you are probably wondering. The nature of my job keeps me in range of the radio but unable to get to it for sometimes as long as an hour at a time. Some dickweed with no brain keeps turning your station on and I have to get up and shut it off again, so I spend a fair amount of time aggravated. Hearing your barfing deejays, stupid commercials, and horrible music reminds me of what a bunch of total idiots make up "the public", and that's something I don't like thinking about. It depresses me.

Everybody knows it's not you personally, the person reading this, that sucks. You're just doing your job and it's not your fault the station's format is what it is. I honestly hope you spend every available moment of your life trying to figure out how to get away from that terrible place.

Sincerely,
Dale

dear landover baptist

2006-06-05T05:35:00.000-07:00

I'm sure your article about [what to do] If My Child Was Born on June 6, 2006 was a joke between people like you and myself at the expense of the great unwashed hooting hallelujites, but I'm concerned that people are actually going to do as you suggest and wind up very unhealthy, as they try not to give birth on Evil Day. Many very susceptible people are very superstitious and I think we owe it to them... never mind. Is there any way I can help you torment them or anyone else?

Many thanks for your continuing service to the cause,
--
Dale Shipley
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
Minneapolis, MN

naked

2006-05-15T18:28:00.000-07:00

Dear [Dale],

Do it.

Naked,
Wimmy

-----------------

I suspect this made its way through craigslist and chose not to respond.

Dear I'm Rick James, bitch

2006-05-07T17:07:00.000-07:00

Hey! Haven't heard from you in a while! It's kind of weird, 'cause for a while you were all over the place!

Are you retired now? Are you doing the state fair circuit like Skid Row? Is this going to be a long, drawn-out painful semi-retirement, like the guy who had to scream "When a man loves a woman" for forty years? I'm super curious.

I'm Rick James, bitch, your cultural moment may have passed, but I'll always have the memories of you being repeated by every shmuck-ass loser in America for about three months. And hey, if you're ever around we should hang out.

Dale Shipley
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
Minneapolis, MN

6 - 6 - 6 dude!!!

2006-05-07T16:45:00.000-07:00

I woke up in a cold sweat. June 6 2006, THE MOST EVIL DAY EVER is right around the corner! I've got to warn Todd Horton!

----------------------------------

Hey, Todd, what's crack-a-lackin'? I'm doing good. You know, making the world a better place by working at the hospital on the holy day and ignoring the whole god thing and lusting and coveting and enjoying myself, and just generally outliving the hell out of you.

I thought of you the other day when I wrote down the date and it was 5/6/6. I was electrified with fear. Panicking, I made my way to the mirror and was happy to see that though my face was a mask of contorted fear, my hair hadn't turned white. It does that in the movies sometimes when people are freaked out.

I had to do some things like go watch the races first, but it was still third or fourth thing on my list and now I'm getting around to it. I'm warning you, Todd! Do you realize that in only a month's time, it's going to be 6/6/6!?!

Hurry, Todd, and pray till you can't pray no more. Pray even harder and more seriously than you've ever prayed for anything in your whole life, my friend, because only the lord god almighty (through Jesus, important distinction) can protect you from the clutches of SATAN SATAN SATAN!!!! I'd recommend you really FEEL the prayer. Maybe squeeze out a tear or two. That way god will care extra.

Also, I thought you might benefit from a little tip:
You should do your homework and find out what kind of prayers people are praying. The smart money is, don't pray the prayers that the citizens of New Orleans were praying before god punished them with hurricane katrina. Instead, pray the prayers that George W. Bush was praying before he was fraudulently handed the election in 2004. God's looking out for some people and not others, and there's a reason. It looks like if you could just figure out how to work the system and pray the right way you could come out OK on June 6, 2006.

This is no laughing matter. Your mortal soul, which is (maybe) just a few years away from being proven to exist, depends on it. For real.

I never heard back from you, but take care and keep educating science classes about the folly of their ways. Scrupulous disciplined analysis might be right about everything else, but you're right where it counts... deep down in your soul.

Concerned,
Dale Shipley
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Elko's website

2006-04-29T05:10:00.000-07:00

To whom it may concern:

I read the following on Elko's website this morning. Can you find anything wrong with this sentence?

"CONSTUCTION HAS BEGONE AGAIN IN THE CITY."

In case you can't, there are three mistakes.

One, CONSTUCTION is not a word.

Two, BEGONE is obviously a phoenetic interpretation of the word begun whose author I hope is not allowed to vote.

Three, IT'S ENTIRELY IN CAPITAL LETTERS AND IT'S REALLY ANNOYING TO READ THINGS IN CAPITAL LETTERS BECAUSE IT'S LIKE BEING SHOUTED AT.

I hope you will pass this information along to the detectives that are investigating your local reports of a wild man flinging his shit at people and screeching like a chimp, as they may be related.

--
Dale Shipley
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
Minneapolis, MN

Todd Horton's back

2006-03-28T17:33:00.000-08:00

I know what you're thinking. Oh, goody. He must have sensed how much we missed him.
-------------------------------------

Dale,

Long time since we've talked. Just wondering if you would like to pick up and resume a dialogue. I know that you've gotten enough of a vacation from my "craziness" by now, and you should have had some time to study up and try and present an intelligent argument by now. So if you aren't afraid and are willing I would like to start a dialogue in order to use as an opportunity to get the science students at my local university to toughen up and have a debate. Just think you could be a hero to scientific minded students far away from where you live. This is posted on the board already along with our old dialogue so if you choose not to respond you will let a lot of students down.

Todd

-------------------------------
Can you believe this guy?
-------------------------------

Wow, it's Todd, back for more. Let's see, how does this go again? You're going to say there's this guy called god who made everything, all the evidence for which amounts to nothing.

I'm positive at some point I referred to your "craziness", and that's what it is. I decided that you had flipped when whatever it was that was in the last email I sent you, words I carefully constructed so that they couldn't possibly have been made easier to understand, you decided were, if memory serves, "a little confusing". I was at the end of my rope, and I figured you for a lost cause. Which you are. So if you are itchin' to fight about some specific thing that makes it look like there's a magic man who lives in the sky, fine.Take your best shot, I guess. You bore me to tears.

So now you want to drag a science class into it, like that's going to prove something. If some science class somewhere needed someone like me, which they don't, to have some kind of argument with you, it wouldn't be a science class. It would be an argument class. Science, since you didn't know, isn't a competing philosophy, it's a method invented (or at least formalized) by Isaac Newton, a framework for examining facts and testing ideas. Rigorous, relentless analysis is involved, and nothing is held sacred. This is to make sure that what comes out the other end of "experiments" is actually real. Religion, on the other hand, is designed so that the belief comes first, and everything that comes out the other side looks exactly like it's supposed to, to fit the pre-existing notions of the believer. It makes me laugh and cry that people like you think their beliefs are the equals of everyone else, when they are so clearly grounded in a dogma that bears no resemblance to physical reality.

Two questions for you.
1) Where would you like to start?
2) Where are you posting this, so I can be sure you aren't editing it.

If I get there and all of this isn't posted, you can forget about it.

Hugs,
Dale
-------------------------------
It was Francis Bacon, by the way, not Isaac Newton. Oops. Let's see if he gives me shit.
-------------------------------

I ain't working in chemotherapy

2006-03-25T12:24:00.000-08:00

This was addressed to all personnel management in my department.

Dear five or six managers,

When I get moved around, I do as I'm told. I may prefer some jobs here at the pharmacy to others, but I don't refuse to do anything. I've done leeches, IVs, station checks, moved pyxis machines, fixed them, done 8P, decentral, and all kinds of other things, and done well at each; the tube system has never known a more fiendish adversary than when I work first fill. One thing I sincerely like about coming here, is you show up and do your job as well as you can, and then you're done and go home, and it's not a job you take home with you. Working here has made me appreciate the clean separation of work (professional life) and home (if you will, regular life). At least (and you may have seen this coming) until now.

I found my transistion three weeks ago back into the IV room to be very easy, albeit a little strange. Whatever the genesis of the idea to move me back in there, it's something I am capable of doing with (dare I say) a high degree of proficiency. My instincts tell me there was probably some antagonism directed toward me that resulted in my being relocated, but since no one ever mentioned it, I'm content it was a decision management is comfortable with. Not that it matters, but this is just fine with me.

But next weekend, the first in April, I am surprised to see that I have been scheduled to train in chemotherapy, and this presents a problem. Not that it is something I would address if there were any other way to go about it, but you force my hand, so I have to now reveal that I am planning to reproduce, and I don't want any babies coming out with flippers for arms or any other birth defects.

When I plan to make babies is not up for discussion, not least of all because it is an intensely (is there anything more personal?) private matter that doesn't concern one among you.

In short, I refuse to comply with my scheduled shifts training in chemotherapy.

I trust that working together, we can find a way to overcome this obstacle, whether it is through disciplinary action, giving me the weekend off and calling it even, or moving me to another work area. Please don't hesitate to let me know how I may be of help in resolving this matter.

Thanks,
Dale
------------------------------

Subject: RE: my upcoming schedule

I am shocked, flabbergasted and amazed that not a single one of you chose to respond to my email, which, if your memories are as bad as your sense of obligation to your employees, is included below. If I have learned one thing from your collective silence, it is that I do not feel responsible for the events that transpire this weekend, and that my expectations of you were inflated. I shall report as scheduled at the pharmacy, where, as per the schedule, I will take up space and get paid. In closing, I must say that I would be more concerned with how the department wastes its money than you apparently are is even more surprising than your refusal to make even the smallest of
---------------------------------
Then I accidentally sent it, just like that. Then I sent another one.
------------------------------
Outlook tip of the day:
If you hit control and enter at the same time, it sends the email immediately, and without giving you the chance to edit horrible nonsensical sentences which are in the midst of being written.

How that was supposed to go was, essentially, "I can't believe none of you bothered to respond."

Sincerely,
Dale

the case of the jailed pyxis user

2006-03-10T13:15:00.000-08:00

Dear Dale,

I read your writing below and I have a friend who was wrongly convicted of stealing drugs at the hospital where she worked. The prosecution's entire case was a pyxis report. I'm curious about the reliability of the reports. I'm not wanting information on how to do any of it. What I'm mostly wondering is, could someone have made it look like she took the pills. The report was run twice with no flags, but after she was suspected, it picked up the information that convicted her. Any light you can put on the subject, or if you can direct me to somewhere that I can get more information, I'd sure appreciate it.

"Work has been going well. It turns out the midazolam I discovered was missing, wasn't. Which is good, because when something isn't where it's supposed to be, it always winds up with my little signature attached. I do know how to get around that, by the way, but I don't want my blog to be the favorite destination of health care workers who want to steal drugs out of the pyxis, so I'm going to leave it at that, except to say that if I ever get in trouble for stealing drugs I didn't steal, I plan to us that knowledge just to show the management I pretty much have a sticker of Calvin peeing on their beloved drug security. I don't think it will ever come to that. This place isn't rife with enough of those kinds of problems to make overreacting a symptomatic, commonplace event. You're innocent till proven guilty around here."

Thanks,
Steve

-----------------------------------------------------

Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. I've been on vacation.

The following information is pertinent to the medstation 2000 system from pyxis.

The reports generated by the system are indeed a perfect record of what the machines think happened. It's all archived away in a very secure fashion and printed out and hidden in a locked facility for the DEA to look in on any time they want. Hoorah. But if the reports reflect what the machines think they're doing and the machines aren't doing that, the data is worthless.

It's usually not worthless in the long run, which is only the case because people tend to be honest. I think this is because they think they're being watched, which with the biometric ID's psychological value is understandable.

If I were you I'd try to subpoena a FST (field service technician) and his or her records (if they have them) for the facility your friend worked at. They're going to have specific information about how much the machines break down and what kinds of problems there typically are. And they're not going to want to give it to you, not to make it sound too "down the rabbit hole"-esque.

There are 5 different kinds of storage in the pyxis, all with their different problems, all of which are directly related to their mode of operation.
matrix, cubie, carousel, tower, mini.
Controlled drugs like opiates only wind up in the secure ones. Cubie, mini, carousel.

Carousels spin, and sometimes the sensor gets screwed up and the machine opens to the comepletely wrong pocket. This happens ALL THE TIME. When it happens, and the drug the machine thinks it's open to isn't controlled and the drug it IS open to IS controlled, then the drugs that walk off and the machine doens't know the first thing about it. Where's your precious report going to get you on that one? The machine didn't do what it thought it did. I saw this happen every other day when I worked for pyxis.

Cubies release at the wrong times sometimes, and sometimes they even open up for no reason. This is probably the best single fact for you, as it's where the drug your friend is accused of taking most likely was. Sometimes, drawers full of cubies open up and every single cubie in the entire drawer opens at the same time. Ask a nurse is she's ever seen it. Ask an FST. And if they (the FST) pretend not to know what you're talking about, ask them what happens when they push the little red buttons in the back of the cubie drawers. That's what they're for. I think it's if somebody is dying or the software totally eats shit and they have to empty the machine out. They get the keys, open the back of the machine, and push the little red button, and every drug you could imagine is just lying there wide open. Sometimes, this happens without the keys, without the button being pusjed. The machine is crazy. There's another sure thing -- ask a nurse if the machine is crazy. I'm not a legal guy and I never watch annoying law shows, but I would think this fact alone could create a reasonable doubt that the appearance that Cardinal health is heavily invested in, that their system is ironclad, is not the case all the time like they'd have you believe.

Minis work fairly well in my experience. I really haven't seen problems with them opening, just not opening.

I hope this has been helpful. Good luck to your friend.

dear dog, bounty hunter

2006-03-01T17:59:00.000-08:00

So there I was, watching Dog, bounty hunter, when they showed him sitting in his office on the phone. Behind him on the wall was a picture of George W. Bush. I looked up his business and emailed his work address, which is dakinebailbonds@msn.com

Dear Dog,

I was watching your bounty hunting show tonight and I saw you have a picture of President Bush on your office wall. Are you not aware that he lied to get us into a war? I had to email you because I assume that you're a patriotic guy and you wouldn't appreciate someone doing a thing like that to your country. I know I don't. In fact, I think that's the worst thing a president can possibly do.

However, opinions differ. So if there is some reason, and there may well be in your mind, that it's ok to lie to go to war, I would sincerely like to know what that reason is.

Thanks,
Dale Shipley.

dear men at vera's cafe

2006-02-25T13:13:00.000-08:00

Ahoy there, sailors! I had coffee at Vera's this morning and you looked at my wife and I like we had burned Cher at the stake. What up wit dat? All we did was show up not gay!

The guys behind the counter were awesome and made us an excellent latte. I think they get it; it's about being nice to people. But back to you, the patrons, who will never ever get this letter.

I don't have anything more against your personal choices than that the sky is blue. Sure, you're by and large a bunch of socially retarded, anus-worshipping nimrods, but that's your business. You want to go some place where you can have a nice cup of coffee and not be thrown broken bottles at, and I think all people are entitled to that. I wouldn't try to keep you down! I just want some coffee too! Remember how we're all trying to get along? Or is that just when you're the ones being mistreated? Talk about tolerance all you want, but it's all hot air. Like the hot air that comes out of a butthole. That's right, I said butthole. Does that word excite you? Don't say I never did you a favor. Jackasses.

Maybe none of you could accomplish the AMAZINGLY easy task of hooking up with another gay dude ON A FRIDAY NIGHT IN MINNEAPOLIS and that's why you were all up so early in such a catty mood.

Not to abandon the constructive approach. The t-shirts that you can buy at Vera's otherwise not wholly distasteful emporium read "Hot. Strong. Filled with cream.", and do not perturb me in the least, though I do wish you could persuade the management to draw attention to some cultural contribution homosexuals have made (say, petitioning and marching for equal civil rights) rather than advertising the fact that you have semen in places that other men do not, and that this is ostensibly something to celebrate. News flash! That's not hip, dudes. It's just really, really nasty.

So buck up! Wipe that spooge out of your asshole! Turn a new leaf! Once you start acting nicer we can all have a cup of coffee together. Thanks!

randy and the cartoon

2006-02-17T21:57:00.000-08:00

Dear Dale,

What's cookin?

Sent the following to The Illini Daily (chicago university newspaper) because it's now fired editor in chief reprinted the, you know, Muhammed cartoon. If your blog is dealing with such things, you can dump this in it.

Kudos to Acton H. Gordon.

The following little op-ed has at least one very important reference in it that should be set squarely in the lime-light: the info on the Arabic Newspapers and Iconoclasm. Read it to find out more. If you want to reprint (with edits) the following, please feel free.

I've been following the "Cartoon Drama" since it began. And while I find that if the intentions of the artists who drew the cartoons did so as a litmus test of democratic ideals in Arabic-speaking countries, then it joins the (thousands ?) of artistic renderings, novels, poems, cartoons, sculptures, open-mic competitions, songs, plays, etc., that have also satired, parodied or otherwise made fun of any and all gods from any and all credos, religions, manifestos, and late-night thespian clubs during the last 2,000 years or more (did people burn down the buildings of the publishers of Salman Rushdies' novels? (Why not?).

George Orwell's "1984" should stand as a reminder of what we don't want to become.

Most Islamic people seem to base their "profound and soul-shattering repugnance" on the false claim that depictions of Muhammed are forbidden by the Koran. They ought go look at some of the articles from the Arabic International News and get a history lesson. Iconoclastic Christianity and Islam met some 1,500 years ago and merged certain aspects of their religions. One of these was the (right/wrong) depiction of god. In any case, the interpretation as to iconoclasm in Arabia is an open one, as Muslims daily walk past depictions of Yahweh and Jesus with sometimes less than a shrug.

Self-victimization starts to become a crying wolf game when you've got the resources to educate yourself and mature without your parent's permission. If I must base my decisions upon whether or not I will be punished by a person who is acting according to their self-proclaimed status as an arm of god, then I'd do better to live in a military-dictatorship. At least the military doesn't over-react like a child who has spilled its milk.

If Islamic people are so offended at the images, why are they looking at them? They would also be offended by pornographic images, no doubt. So, why aren't they looking at pornographic images and staging violent protest about that?

The publication of the cartoons is more than a litmus test for democratic ideals of freedom of speech, it demonstrates that intellectually, emotionally and especially in terms of the separation of church and state, the West is more tolerant and open and progressive: and aren't these values all the bibles promote? Is the West therefore less God-fearing and more human-respecting in its practice of "God's" "general message"?

As the Age of Enlightenment never dawned in the Arab world or the Far East, much of the daily behavioral actions and life concepts in these two regions of the world are simply Medieval. Are we now witnessing the dawn of enlightenment in the Arab world? The separation of church and state is what helped Medieval Europe cease its internal struggles and killing. Perhaps Islam and the Islamic world would better itself by looking into the history and formation of Democracy - its causes and as we know its still-progressing growth, evolution and tolerance.

If Islam wants to be on the world stage and be recognized, then how does it want to be recognized? As a violent, tantrum-throwing child? As a wanna-be Napoleon? Have some self-respect. I'm tired of my news-coverage getting high-jacked by what are apparently uneducated crowds of "religion is my opiate" dummies burning things. Go take a poo in someone else's kitchen. Get a life. Do something kind. Smile. Make a joke (don't be one) and give someone the gift of laughter.

---------------------------------------------------------

Thank you, sir, for your thoughtful and comprehensive take on the danish cartoon story. It's the best example of what's wrong with religion I've ever seen personally, though I've heard great things about the children's crusade.

My blog has taken the tack of a deflected sort of interest. I find it's a lot more accessible when we go at things detached-ly. The royal we. We have to work on our temper, which tends to get the best of us and winds up sounding fairly whiny.

My wife and I are going to go to Acapulco in a couple of days to see that ball of fire in the sky we've been hearing so much about. 35 below today with chill, 18 below without. Remember the good old days? I started my car today and it was like "wANHW.. wANWH.. wANWH, BANG Bangbagnbang....". I cheered a little.

As far as the danish cartoon goes, it makes me ponder the way of humor more than anything. I think all civilized people are with you in the neighborhood of a hundred per cent with the notion of "grow up, shitheads", and it elevates some very important corollaries, principally, what is the advantage of having a stinky, dogmatic group of people around, but our (mediated, anyway) dialogue tends to sense that and stop well short of the (useful) mark. Sad. Blogs help, but we aren't home yet.

You may have heard, we have our own crazies here. Their fervor was (re)born well after a secular sense of humor was already the social norm; that must be why the "Jesus" people haven't blown up my house yet.

I am interested in why they didn't blow up Rushdie's publisher. That's a good point and one we ought to be able to figure out. I think it's that the way information travels has changed. Even twenty years ago or whatever it was, nobody in Islam world was going to read that book. It wasn't going to be around, even, to irritate. But what I think met in this case, and it bothers me a little that my explanation is so boringly simple, was the ease of transmission and the simplicity of the visual statement. This collided with a hegemony that our religious leaders only drool at. They wish they had the control Muslim clerics do, and there's nothing stopping them.

We do have our fatwahs, but they're called other things. Our Muslim clerics are the apocalypse-worshipping authors like Tim Lahaye, and the immortal mega-cultists of the shiny western american arena-churches. They make me puke.

I was wondering about Jack Welch the other day. Is he going to be the first sociopathic CEO to achieve actual immortality? Because there's going to be one sooner or later. I think they'll shoot stem cells into his wrinkled ass as long as he wants them to.

-------------------------------

I leave you with this cautionary info (in case you visit B.K. in Alcapulco):

The Iconoclasts of the eighth century and their successors during the Reformation were like the Taliban or rioting Muslims of the 21st. Except that that older violence occurred within a religion, inspired by theology. Today's Iconoclasts want to oppose all attempts to display forbidden images, whatever their provenance. And for a variety of reasons, many in the West readily defer. Last fall, for example, Burger King withdrew its ice cream from restaurants in Britain after receiving complaints from Muslims that the swirling illustration on the package resembled the name of Allah.

[if you didn't know, he's talking about this:Burger King recalls 'sacrilegious' desserts]

colorado guy

2006-02-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.stevegarufi.com/ is the home of Colorado guy. It is where he posts exciting things that happen to him, like seeing parrots in a pet store. It annoyed me so I sent him an email.

Subject: your website sucks

Dear Steve,

Just because something happens to you doesn't make it interesting.

However, it is exactly what I'd expect from a person who, like yourself, is in a state of total amazement at the super-powerful feelings he gets whenever he thinks about Jesus. You guys make me laugh because your own experience is obviously the center of your attention, not the actual guy named Jesus. And if there has ever been a person in love with himself and his own unique way of experiencing the world, that person, Steve, is you.

You saw parrots? You drank how many big gulps in a row? Are you shitting me? There are people starving to death, Steve! You bought women's glasses at Wal-Mart? No one cares! What is wrong with you?

Do you think Jesus would prefer you making animated .gifs of your wacky reactions to goddamn everything, or taking some action to make the world a better place? Not a better place for you, Steve, but for other people. You are without a doubt the most self-centered person I have ever seen, and after looking at thousands of websites over the last three years, I consider myself an authority.

You're even worse than biker fox, and I thought that was impossible.

Psh,
Dale Shipley
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
Minneapolis, MN

Dear Snickers

2005-12-25T08:41:00.000-08:00

I was recently persuaded to purchase your product when I saw the label read "fun size" snickers. Subsequently upon trying them, I found that I was having no more fun than if I hadn't had one at all. I had three of them before I eventually gave up. In spite of my frustration and disappointment, your package claims this product is "fun size"! Would you care to explain this?

-----------------------------------------

In response to your email regarding SNICKERS BAR.

Thank you for your email.

We are sorry to hear that you are disappointed with SNICKERS BAR.

We appreciate your feedback and will share your comments with our Marketing Associates.

Have a great day!

Your Friends at Masterfoods USA
A Division of Mars, Incorporated

Dear 89.3 the current

2005-11-29T17:14:00.000-08:00

(Why not? Maybe it'll hasten the end of the bad morning show era by a day or two.)

dear the current,

The morning show is bad. As far as I'm concerned the station isn't even on until nine in the morning. Then this morning after nine it sounded like the deejay (Thorn) must have broken up with his girlfriend. It wouldn't have been so bad if the morning show wasn't already the quotidian unlistenable lesbocoustic weep-carnival. When I listen to it I get the urge to make tea-tree oil candles and watch fried green tomatoes.

Please fix it, the current.

Nobody likes when people lose their jobs, so I'm not suggesting you get rid of Dale Connelly and Jim Ed Poole, but could you give them a good talking to? Their taste in music might hit the target demographic of xanax bar popping, mu-mu wearing co-opers in Linden Hills, but the rest of us have shit to do and don't want to fall asleep at the wheel. I appreciate that you want to be the alternative to the barf festival available at every other morning drive time show, but please, at least mention that there was a complaint about the tranquilizer music they play.

Maybe deejaying isn't for them. Have they considered how much money there is to be made treating insomnia?

Thanks.

dear Jazz Police

2005-11-27T08:17:00.000-08:00

Were you not aware when you created your website that it would share a name with the indisputable heavyweight champion worst song of all time, Jazz police by Leonard Cohen? This oversight on your part is made all the more shameful by the fact that you are a music website! Please right this heinous wrong before another person is accidentally reminded of the horror of mankind's darkest stain on the universe. Just redirect people or something.

Thanks,
Dale Shipley

-----------------------------------

Dale, I'm sure that there are indeed worse songs.

I'm not quite sure what you are suggesting. I am aware of the Cohen
number, although the phrase "Jazz Police" is in common use in jazz
circles and predates Cohen's use by several decades.

Cheers,

Don

-------------------------------------

Fair enough. Thanks. Out of curiosity, what do you consider a few of the worst songs?

-------------------------------------

MacArthur Park so very, very bad.

dear muslim website

2005-10-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

I was having some pizza tonight with some Muslim friends at the place where we work, and as I took a bite of delicious pepperoni, I realized that they weren't allowed to eat it and decided to keep how excellent it was to myself. It made me think.

If I converted to Islam, I would have to give up pepperoni because it's made of pork and Muslims aren't allowed to eat pork. I understand that there are rules associated with religions and I just want to conform to them and not cause trouble.

But what if I converted to Islam while I was eating the pizza? If I was eating pepperoni when I converted, would I have to switch to cheese immediately or could I have another slice of pepperoni? Would it be better if I just wait until after dinner to convert to Islam? If my mouth is full of pork, or there's still a pork taste in my mouth, do I have to make myself throw up? If I don't, does that mean I go to hell?! If it turns out that I will have to go to hell if I screw up, I am definitely NOT going to convert to Islam! As it is now I don't have to go to hell AND I get to eat whatever I want.

Also, since you will obviously have an interesting opinion on the matter, I was wondering if you would explain: if one hungry person had Islam, and one hungry person had a pig to eat, how is it that the Muslim guy would be better off than the guy with the pig?

Thanks in advance for your reply,
Dale Shipley

---------------------------------------

DearDale Shipley
Thank you for writing to us.
We invite you to read the attachment.

Best Regards.

Islam Q&A
www.islam-qa.com

[The attached is a fifty-five page .PDF, a beginner's guide to Islam. I can't link to it any way I know of, and no one in his right mind would voluntarily undertake to decrypt fifty five pages of esoteric dogma, no matter what religion it was, so I will just link to the only image in the document. Here is that link.]

prussian blue

2005-10-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

For those who don't know, Prussian Blue is a band made of two girls who are, uh, proud to be white. I think this picture says all that needs to be said about them:

[Dear prussian blue,]

I was thinking that Prussian Blue (link) needed more exposure, and might like to take advantage of the market share that underground websites have to offer. While on the one hand, the album buying public in your target demographic will be learning of Prussian Blue at websites with "Vanguard" in the title (I think you know what I mean), there are many more people who won't have a chance to learn about Prussian Blue in this model. I, of course, have a solution.

No matter who you hire and how much money you spend, the answer will be the same. Prussian Blue needs to be branded, and while on the one hand the whiteness thing can be an advantage, it can also hold back Prussian Blue from dominating sales charts which given better songwriting there's no reason they can't do. Look at that whore Christina Aguilera. But I'm getting ahead of myself. You need Controversy. Best way to get controversy without the whole stigmatizing of the band's brand, which is your meal ticket, be wronged. When you need someone to blame, commit an act of breathtaking destruction. Take a lesson from the master and think Reichstag fire here. Well, don't burn down the capitol. Try this: somebody breaks in to the girls' trailer, roughs them up a bit, and they somehow team up and hogtie him with baling wire till the cops show up and still make it to the show with Matt Lauer with their hair in immaculate pigtails! And make the guy they arrest be a white guy. So that we see them for the equal opportunity do-gooders they are! Of course, to get that far, Prussian Blue needs to lay the groundwork.

That's why I've been researching sites like http://blacksonblondes.com/. Lynx and Lamb are going to look so good in an Oreo sandwich you won't even believe it. Just have them swing by for a rehearsal. You won't believe how popular the site is, and if Prussian Blue isn't a household name by the end of the first week after the savage ass-gangbang, I'll eat my hat, literally! Sphincters can heal, but opportunity knocks but once on those tight little white backdoors.

Trust me! You'll see why a little racial tension is good for business! Capitalize, before the band goes under and they wind up doing the same website anyway because they need the money.

Thanks,
Dale Shipley
Minneapolis, MN

My music, Incorporated

2005-10-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

In response to this ad, which leads to their site, I had to say something.

Dear "my music incorporated",

You advertise that your site has 99 billion songs. Do you realize how preposterous that is?
___________________________

You can't prove a negative

___________________________

[Sounds familiar, as if someone is arguing for the existence of god, who has about the same chances of being shown to exist as 99 billion songs.]

Nice logical fallacy. No, I can't prove a negative. But what's worse, you can't prove you have 99 billion songs, because you don't.

Just wanted to let you know how ridiculous it is to claim you have 99 billion songs. Which is very.
____________________________

Not really.... How many new bands are created Daily?

___________________________

Is this your way of proving you have 99 billion songs? Asking me how many new bands are created daily? Seriously?

Once again, you don't have anything even approaching 99 billion songs. Admit it.

_____________________________

we really do...

____________________________

Then send me a list, if you have that many songs. How much space do all those 99 billion songs take up on your servers?

You don't have 99 billion songs. It's impossible.

___________________________________

We cannot guarantee the content, quality or types of music available for downloading, however there are millions upon millions of songs available for unlimited download, so we are confident you will find the music you are looking for. We have yet to hear from any of our members that they have been unable to find the music they were looking for!

Heya, what's up,

Have you completed the registration process yet? Click on the link below to complete it and start downloading free music!

http://my-free-music.info/click.php?APID=313&affID=0000377

For memberhsip options click on the link below, enter your login information and click 'continue' and you will see a list of membership options and prices. Enjoy your membership!

FOR TODAY ONLY....Use the link below and you can still get the $200 bonus software for free, as well as the 30 day trial! It's a 30 day money back trial perios. If you are not completely satisfied, we will refund your money if requested within 30 days of purchase.

http://my-free-music.info/click.php?APID=313&affID=0000377

This is a one-time membership fee...you will not be charged again. There are no downloading fees, no per song fees, no burning fees, and no hidden charges...just the small one-time membership fee.

http://my-free-music.info/click.php?APID=313&affID=0000377

After you register you will be provided with access to the member area of our websit where you be able to start downloading your favorite music and movies.

Please let us know if you have any further question. Enjoy your membership!

Sincerely,

Rich
My Music, Inc.

_____________________________________

Hi Rich, you can probably tell that I've been dealing with some hosebag on the second shift in these emails, who staunchly defends that your site has 99 billion songs. He's obviously a devoted employee, probably with a bright future as white house press secretary. But between us, for someone to actually come out and defend a number like 99 billion is pretty crazy. When I need an obscure song, believe me, I'll try your service, but my point is that you just don't have the 99 billion songs you claim to have, because that's totally impossible.

I'm still waiting for some indication that you have all those 99 billion songs, which is a remarkable achievement. I thought you'd be proud to strut your stuff with that many songs.

Or to put it another way: 99 billion songs. I'm hearing it but I sure ain't seeing it; don't sing it, bring it. Where's the 99 billion?

And thanks for the reminder. I'll register when the need arises.

Thanks,
Dale

Dear Time Warner

2005-10-09T05:31:00.001-07:00

Dear Time Warner,

I was singing happy birthday to someone at a party the other night and then later someone gave me a dollar. I wasn’t sure why they gave me a dollar but then it hit me that they might have been paying me for how well I sang the birthday song!

I know your company owns the rights to the happy birthday song so I was wondering, how much of that dollar do I have to send you? I know there’s probably a penalty for not having worked out the details with you in the first place, so it might be the majority of the dollar, but I am a person who believes in intellectual property rights, and I want to do the right thing. Also, I wouldn’t like explaining to my prison cellmates that no, I wasn’t there for smacking my bitch or shooting the cops, or even manufacturing crystal meth, but for not forking over the royalties to AOL Time Warner for being paid to sing the birthday song. They’d probably take me into a cell right away and rape my ass so hard I’d wish I’d never even heard of birthdays. And as I was leaning over the bunk giving forced head to a big stinky guy who hadn't taken a shower since he fucked some guy in the ass earlier that afternoon, while at the same time getting my bleeding ass filled with HIV and Hepatitis C-infested man-milk, I'd be thinking, "Now that I think about it, paying AOL Time Warner would have been a better option. Why didn't I just wing them an email when I had the chance?" I'd also be thinking "What is that substance running down the back of my leg? I bet it's blood", but that's beside the point.

Please let me know how much I owe you. I have a paypal account.

Thanks,
Dale

Dear George Lucas

2005-10-09T05:31:00.000-07:00

Dear George Lucas,

You probably hear this all the time, but I've got an idea for a movie that would kill at the box office! Lend me your ears, I've got a story to tell!

First off, you get Mark Hammill to play the lead. He's on a mission to find the secret scrolls of some village somewhere that hold the secret to saving his parents or somebody from certain death half a world away. Ok, they're secret but he somehow knows about them. That's up to the screenwriters to figure out. Ok, so at one point he's standing on the edge of some cliff and you think the scrolls have blown over the edge never to be seen again and he's just screaming over the edge: "NOOO! Not the SCROOOLLLLLS!!!" Like that!

And then he doesn't see it but this big bird comes along and grabs the scrolls (in midair, of course! don't you think a bird would be perfect for that?) that have gone over the cliff and takes them somewhere where later Mark Hammill finds them. But even though it's only half an hour into the movie probably when this happens and you totally see the bird grabs the scrolls you kind of have the audience taking the bait, because nobody can scream tragically like Mark Hammill and you know this to be true. Ok, so George, what do you think? Take a chance on me, the Hollywood outsider to make it big? I think that that line where Mark Hammill is screaming about the scrolls going over the cliff is the one they're going to show at the Oscars when YOU WIN for BEST DIRECTOR!!!

(Also, if this doesn't sound good to you I have this idea where you bring back Carrie Fisher in a reality show where she teaches young women what to do if they're ever kidnapped by Jabba the hut or somebody and forced to be his dancing slave girl!)

Later,
Dale

Rachael Ray's ass

2005-10-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Dale,

Dude, what's up with Racheal Ray's expanding ass? I totally wanted to hose her before and perhaps put that loud Italian mouth of hers to good use, but am now too distracted by her growing ghetto booty.

-Penelope Cosgrove

Penelope,

This is something you and I agree on. It's one of the most serious problems facing the food network today.

Firstly, Rachael Ray is a good person. Anyone so preoccupied with cooking a meal in thirty minutes has got other things in mind that have got to be made time for. Her duties as a loving and attentive wife come first, and if that means dog food three days in a row, you aren't going to hear complaining out of her husband, so long as she's too busy hooking him up with things most people only read about in penthouse forum. I think she does this, which means her heart is in the right place, and that's what matters. Her ass being in the right place also matters, just less.

A woman is a tender and beautiful thing that has sex with you, gestates babies, and if you're lucky, makes you dinner every once in a while. A woman hangs out with you even when you're being a jerk, makes you wear clothes that match, and keeps you on top of celebrity gossip. As far as I can tell, these are the primary functions of a woman. But sometimes people want a woman to be more than this.

For some reason, people and other primates love looking at womens' asses! It's just the way we're wired. This crazy world has to keep having people in it, and the best way to make sure they're here is to have lots of sex.

Some people claim (that since god is responsible for everything) god is responsible for that urge, and others claim vehemently that he most certainly is not, and that he would prefer that instead of brooding on how much we want to procreate, we turned to page 55 in our hymnals to glorify him with a song that sounds just like all the other songs in the hymnal, but that has more to do with their individual tastes than anything else. (I personally think god should impregnate (inseminate? gross.) all the women like he did Mary so that child support law would have to be completely rewritten by the christians that want to rewrite all the other laws, because I'd like to see them make sense of that.) Your tastes once included wanting to smack up Rachael Ray's ass, and so did mine, but now that it looks like it could smack you up, your hesistation isn't unjustified. Be afraid of the big ass. It's millions of years of evolution warning you to stay away, and you're right to heed the call. Something wicked and impure is going on, and it's right on top of her legs. I don't understand it, Penelope, and it scares me.

The whole show used to be about watching her in the kitchen and now the camera avoids the booty. It's sad. I want that camera to follow her around like a seeing-eye dog at butt level, like it used to. I want to pretend to be learning how to cook, while I'm really watching her scoot around the kitchen in a skin-tight black leotard, but now I can't, and that's messed up.

We clearly have to take action. We should complain, both to Ray and to the food network, and get a petition going so I don't have to learn anything when I watch that show. Peppers and an onion in the olive oil, whatever. Didn't you forget something right back there in the oven? Maybe you should go over there and check. Nice and easy... yeahhhhh.

I remember those days, and I want them back. Good call.

Love,
Dale

the Todd Horton controversy

2005-10-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

What follows is the correspondence between me and some christian guy from New Mexico, as a result of my bombing his goofy little blog with some much-needed skepticism. To be exact, I told him a five-year-old could come up with a question he couldn't answer. However, due to a shortage of five-year-olds, I had to think of something myself. So I asked him who made god, and off we went.

This will be updated when necessary, but from within the thread. Anonymous comments enabled.

Dale,

I appreciate the fact that you are giving me an opportunity to at least represent my Christian beliefs and to share them with you. I understand from your writing that you are a non-believer, but I would like to understand who you are in a better manner. Would you consider yourself an atheist, a pantheist, an evolutionist, or what? It helps to be able to get this dialogue going. Secondly, I will share a little bit about myself since you stated that you wanted to know what type of Christian I am. Well here's my description.

I am the type of Christian that challenges everything. I don't just take what someone says and agree with it. When it comes to the Bible, I am now convinced that it is God's word, but I didn't always believe that. As a matter of fact I used to have the same beliefs as you. I grew up the son of a minister, and if there was one thing that I couldn't stand, it was church and religion. When I moved out of my parents house after HS graduation, I did what I wanted, I didn't step near church or church people. After one year of that attitude I felt miserable. I was a drunk, seeing different women all the time, and etc, and I couldn't stand my life. Something in my life was missing, and for me it was a relationship with Christ, my Lord and Saviour. Maybe, you aren't looking for that, and hey, it's your life. I am not trying to have this dialogue to try and force my beliefs on anyone. I was simply getting sick of watching a 14 year old boy get ridiculed for his faith. I felt that if you wanted to pick on
someone, pick on me, but watch out because I'm a little harder than Nathan.

Well onto your wonderful question. To be plain and simple it is a cheap question. Let me explain. When you ask me who made God, you are agreeing that all things therefore must have a beginning. For example, if there is a God, then God couldn't have come from nothing. Yet when it comes to the Earth, if I ask you who made the Earth, you aren't going to tell me that someone created it. Therefore you are contradicting your own beliefs in your question. See in order to believe that everything has a beginning, you would have to obey all those rules. If you believe that the world is infinite, then hey why couldn't God be infinite? See, what I am trying to say is that if we are going to get anywhere in this dialogue the questions asked should be ones that can truly be discussed. But I don't want you to think that I am ducking your question that 5 year olds can come up with so here is my answer.

God is infinite. He has always been. He came out of nothing, just as He created the world out of nothing. Here's my five year olds question back.

What was the world created out of? You got two simple answers you can give: something or nothing. Is the world infinite or finite? Does everything have to have a beginning?

You see if you want to twist this around and try and get me to answer something that is an unfair question, I will also ask you questions that will make you contradict yourself. It is only fair that way.

Your friend,
Todd
_________________________________________
Todd,

First off, anyone presents more of a challenge than Nathan. The poor little guy. People like you tricking him into feeling shitty all the time, I feel terrible for him. You should really apologize to that kid for making him so conflicted for wondering about if god's really there. Which "he" isn't.

A little thing about my belief system. I don't have one. I guess I follow the golden rule and leave it at that. In this case, I treat you the way I would want to be treated if I thought what you think. After I die, the chains of molecules that make up my body are going back to the earth. As for my "soul", which inconveniently for you hasn't been located EITHER, I'm not worried about it because I don't think it's
there.

"God is infinite. He has always been. He came out of nothing, just as He created the world out of nothing." Matter obeys physical laws, and that's why I think it didn't come from nowhere.

I'm not kidding when I say I pity you. You feel no shame when you call yourself a free thinker, when any question you ask absolutely must end with the answer "yes, god exists." It is totally pathetic the denial you're in.

There are a lot of things we don't know about the universe. The fact these questions exist, you choose to see as proof that we can't know, or that god did it, and leave it at that. And that sucks.

What Is the Universe Made Of?
What is the Biological Basis of Consciousness?
Why Do Humans Have So Few Genes?
To What Extent Are Genetic Variation and Personal Health Linked?
Can the Laws of Physics Be Unified?
How Much Can Human Life Span Be Extended?
What Controls Organ Regeneration?
How Can a Skin Cell Become a Nerve Cell?
How Does a Single Somatic Cell Become a Whole Plant?
How Does Earth's Interior Work?
Are We Alone in the Universe?
How and Where Did Life on Earth Arise?
What Determines Species Diversity?
What Genetic Changes Made Us Uniquely Human?
How Are Memories Stored and Retrieved?
How Did Cooperative Behavior Evolve?
How Will Big Pictures Emerge from a Sea of Biological Data?
How Far Can We Push Chemical Self-Assembly?
What Are the Limits of Conventional Computing?
Can We Selectively Shut Off Immune Responses?
Do Deeper Principles Underlie Quantum Uncertainty and Nonlocality?
Is an Effective HIV Vaccine Feasible?
How Hot Will the Greenhouse World Be?
What Can Replace Cheap Oil -- and When?

If you want to know what the world was created out of, study geology. They dig up rocks and study them. Sometimes they find dinosaur bones, too, but they hand them over to the paleotologists. You know who they never, ever consult for their expertise? Religious nuts.

I don't worry about explaining everything, because I don't know it. What kind of maniac would I be if I pretended to know everything?

If the bible is the word of god, what of the poking your eyes out if they offend you? Do you have one eye, or has your eye never offended you? Surely it's one or the other.

We disagree about god existing, and we have our reasons. But my reasons are better than yours.

--
Dale Shipley

________________________________
Dale,

You know what I just realized? You and me are not that different. You are very aware that I believe in what the Bible says. I take it as absolute truth. Yet you also are influenced by something written to which you have no personal experience of, and therefore you believe it. You place your faith in what Joe Schmoe PHD tells you in some science article when in fact you don't actually see it firsthand. Some scientist says something and you believe it, because you have placed your trust in the scientists that you have never even met. You have a lot more faith in humanity I guess than I do. I believe that the human mind can bring about errors. I don't tune things out automatically. I am always blown away but what science is revealing, yet I don't believe that every word of scientists are true. Human beings are and will always be self-serving. There has to be a benefit for us personally before we buy into something. Do you think that science could be self-providing also? Well, man it seems to me that we aren't that different. We both are influenced by what we believe, we both know that we don't have all the answers, and that is why I am interested in
this dialogue. Hopefully, through this dialogue we can both gain a better understanding of life.

Todd
______________________________

I know an olive branch when I see it, but I disagree. I think we are different. You are superstitious and I am a realist.

All isn't lost to you, though. You apparently have a fan club in Mr. Hunt. You can have him. He's not very good anyway. Quite the "four legs good two legs bad" type your kind notoriously attracts.

I'm just going to repeat myself because I'm a glutton for punishment, but there are mountains of verifiable evidence that leading scientific theories are based on. Such as evolution by natural selection. You have absolutely no proof that god ever did ANYTHING, and yet you continue to ignore that and abuse my beloved language by calling yourself open-minded. And I'm the one at fault? I'm the one insulting
you? No. You started this all by trying to screw up what my words mean.

The fact that we both have opinions doesn't make them equal. Just because I didn't dig up the dinosaurs myself doesn't mean I don't know they're there. Nice try to lump me in with you, though.

There's what exists, and what you would prefer to think, and they are different. Seriously. You don't get to just make up reality. The earth is not the center of the universe and there is no trace of god.
Anywhere.

Now that you've ignored me repeatedly, I'm done with you.
_____________________________________

Dale,

Sorry it has come to this. I thought we were having a very adult-like dialogue. Of course there are obvious differences in our beliefs. To say that I am superstitious doesn't make any sense. I find it funny that you mention the theory of natural selection. If my mind does recall even the famous Darwin himself recanted on his theory at the end of his life. The proof that God did something doesn't come by not believing in Him. It is only when you have the privilige to be in a relationship that you start to see the things that He does everyday. How can you say that I'm not open minded. I gave science the opportunity first. I didn't believe in God, but for me there is just too much compelling evidence of His existence. What did I start, and when did I start it by trying to screw up what your words mean? Are you talking about the fact that I used your own words against you? You left yourself open with that. Anytime the basis of your point of view relies on somebody having only to answer your
questions, you aren't playing on a level field. I simply reversed the questions back to you, and you couldn't handle it. I never ducked anything you asked me, and I gave you quotes of supporters of your own stance that came to realize that there must be Somebody behind the universe. How is that twisting your words? You always stated that I needed some personal proof to back my faith, well I asked you back. Do you have any personal proof to back up yours? When's the last time you saw evolution taking place? When is the last time you saw evidence first hand of what you place your faith in? It seems like I responded to your attacks and you just ran from mine. You haven't attempted once to respond in a mature way, rather, you just continue to attack. Just some advice from a person who constantly has to defend himself. Be ready to give an answer for what you believe in. Don't let Darwin do it for you, and don't let Joe
Schmoe PHD. If you want me to back something up, then you should do it too. I hope this isn't the last of our dialogue because I was really enjoying trying to learn what your beliefs are. You stated that you don't have any beliefs. Yet you are so determined to disprove mine. You might not be willing to admit it, but I think that God is working on you. I will continue to pray for you as I mentioned you tonight in prayer meeting at my church.

Don't let it be the last time we chat,
Todd
_________________________________________
Can't you can't stop patting yourself on the head for being a good little altar boy long enough to read what I am typing? I know you feel very clever, but actually proving something doesn't work the way your feelings do.

Emotional responsibility may be the greatest lesson you can learn. I can convince myself to feel all emotive and cathartic like any good method actor, and then I can say the words in the back of the Jack Chick tract, and still know I'm the one who got myself worked up into a tissy and that it's all bullshit, Jesus isn't coming, today or any other day. You, on the other hand, think god's the one who makes you have feelings. It's ridiculous and a waste of my time. You're the wall against people who want to be rational (me) beat their heads.

You don't make any sense and it's frustrating. So from now on I'm taking this one thing at a time. You're the one who's brought me down to this.

I don't know if Darwin "recanted" his theory of evolution by natural selection, which is probably the single best idea anyone has ever had in the history of the world, but even if he did, who gives a shit?

Darwin "recanting" is, to me, the biggest joke ever. But to you, it's the most important thing he ever did.

Shit, if Hitler started moaning and weeping about Jesus in his besieged bunker under Berlin, you'd think he had a change of heart and that you were going to meet up with him at Jesus's barbecue in the sky. That's silly, and you're silly.

Galileo invented the compound microscope, the thermometer, the escapement (while blind), and maybe the ballpoint pen. He also did work on heliocentricity, which the church came down on, hard. They made him recant his theory that the earth isn't the center of the universe, so he did, so they wouldn't burn him at the stake. I would,
too. And you know what? It's words, and that's all. Guess what the earth does? It goes around the fucking sun. Do you agree that the earth goes around the sun?

We can do this as long as it takes.

Your brother in cheese doodles,
D
______________________________________

And another thing.

Your little "I don't know but neither do you so ha ha ha" routine is fucking irritating, so there's an important postulate I borrow from law:

The burden of proof lies on him who asserts the fact, not on him who denies it, because from the very nature of things a negative cannot be proof.

It follows that the burden of proof is a critical issue in every dispute.

It is your position that god made everything and therefore I should listen to you.

Therefore, the burden of proof lies on you, not me.

Despite how right you claim to be, you can't establish dick.

If god is counting on you to find him, he's extremely safe in his hiding place.

What do we have to talk about?

--
D
_____________________________________

***Exciting update!***
Todd has decided that it would be a more "honest deal" to include our previous commenting in these proceedings. Decide for yourself. It's all available
here
for your perusal at his page's comment section.
Honest, of course, has nothing to do with anything. The more confused you get, the better Todd's chances are you'll forget what this is about.
________________________________

I don't think that has anything to do with honesty, really, and I defy you to show how it does, just like I defy to you to answer how it is that god is something more than a figment of your incredibly modest imagination. Which you still can't. Careful not responding or word'll get out you've got nothing to say on the subject.

Not that I expect that by now, of course. Your studies in rhetoric far outpace your ability to answer a simple question.

I'll be sweet and include your request, though, and a way to get there.

(Between you and me, don't slow down now, Mr. Hunt's getting a big christian boner.)

D
_____________________________________________________

Dale,

I want the emails there in order to show how little credibility that you have. You always say that it is up to me to prove there is a God, and you don't have to do anything except to ask the hardest questions that you can find. Yet you constantly throw in details about science and Darwin and others which therefore puts the burden of proof for those things in your court. All I have to say is not once have I answered questions like you. Here is how you answer questions "The proof of Darwinism is all around us." Well I can answer questions just like that. The proof of God's existence is all around us. Science leads us towards God. The idea of intelligent design is gaining more and more backing by former atheist evolutionists. If we want to answer things in these simple terms we can. I say we because I refuse to answer another of your simple questions before you can show that you have any credibility
whatsoever. Here is one question that you can answer. Name one thing in the Bible that promotes an evil action? Be specific and keep it in context or I will correct you quickly.

Todd
________________________________________

Todd,

I hate to disappoint you, but I don't fear your rebuke. Your tone is like Darth Vader's assistant from the first star wars, who is going to wipe out the rebels with one swift stroke. Sad. Though you do fight for the dark side, dark being in this case the wantonly ignorant.

Let me see, what's my favorite evil action in the bible? I think I'm going to go with when god decides to drown everyone except Noah and his family. I don't sweat that, really, though, because geology has shown without a doubt that the big flood never occurred. I guess you missed home school that day. And since god did it isn't evil, probably. Unless you've convinced yourself mass murder is ok if it's god doing it, which he is because god's the one who does everything, right?

And I can't resist, but Noah carrying all the animals around in a big boat? That's even more ludicrous than the virgin birth. If that's possible. You astonish me with your obstinacy, but I should have expected it; sheer bullheadedness is the only way for your faith to remain intact. I have so much to learn from you. Like how someone can get to your age without ever hearing of DNA, ninety-eight per cent of which humans share with chimpanzees. That sends up a little red flag for everyone but you.

What of the mechanism by which we experience god? Where is the organ on which the holy spirit acts?

I just don't understand how you think you're coming out ahead here and it's seriously starting to make me wonder if we're from different dimensions. I am from the place where you believe what you see, where people are responsible for their actions and don't have god to pin anything on, whether for better or worse, and where if you don't understand something, you investigate it instead of contemplating god's likely motives for, say, making the Chicago bears suck. You're apparently from the place where you see god everywhere, because you already believe in god, so you see god everywhere, so you believe even more in god. Damn, dude! That makes no sense!

Admitting that you believe in god not for any good reason, but just because you do, would get me a long way in accepting your enthusiasm for your own righteousness, although it wouldn't make me accept the actual righteouness any more than I currently do. Which is guess how much.

I have truly enjoyed this opportunity to peer inside the mind of someone like yourself. As opaque as it has seemed, I hold out hope that somewhere a light will shine through, one way or another. Even if it's just you and I agreeing on the age of the earth. I say four and a half billion years. What about you?

And as for my credibility, I'm not worried about it. Even the fact that you bring it up makes me feel you're on the ropes and hoping to find another distraction.

Bonus question: how does hell work, exactly? And please don't just say something cryptic.

Dale
________________________________________

Dale,

Hey good to hear from you! Well where do we start.

First off, I would like to discuss the choice that you have made for your favorite evil action in the Bible. You made the choice of Noah, and with good reason. It is a terrible story to have to read. I often have had to struggle with the fact that as you read through many of the Old Testament passages, it appears as if God is a God of wrath. Destroying men, wiping out tribes, but it is a lot deeper than that. Let me explain. When God created man, He did so in a manner to which man would be holy, just as God is holy. Yet in order to show His love, He also gave man the concept of free will. If God had created man in a manner to which we had no ability to make a decision on our own, there would be an absence of love. As Adam and Eve out of their free will, chose to disobey God, it broke the holiness that was present up until that point in man. Now you have the notion of Holy versus Unholy. Here's the first question for you: Could a Holy God stand back and in essence not do anything about unholiness? One thing that I have often thought about was why God chose to do what He did at that exact time. In Genesis 6:5-8 it says "Then the Lord saw that the
wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was ONLY EVIL CONTINUALLY. And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart. So the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth, both man and beast, creeping thing and birds of the air, for I am sorry that I have made them. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord."

There are two important parts of this passage. The first is placed in all capitals. Can you imagine a world where only evil was done continually. Nobody cared about anyone else. There was no science or medicine to help cure sicknesses. There was nothing good. Mans thoughts were totally corrupted. The sentence that follows this part is important as well. The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth. This needs understanding, because I know what you're gonna think. Does this mean that God regretted creating humanity? Was He admitting that He made a mistake? No. God does not change His mind. Instead, he was expressing sorrow for what the people had done to themselves, as a parent might express sorrow over a rebellious child. God was sorry that the people chose sin and death instead of a relationship with Him.

The most important thing to understand is the concept of Holiness. Holiness is perfection. You can't be partly holy. There is no grey area. This concept is important because it takes away the thought of humanity doing the same thing. There is not a human that can claim any holiness except through Christ. We can do righteous things, but we can't be holy. Only God is holy, and that which He sanctifies. When the Holy God saw the choices of man, He decided that He would wipe out humanity, yet He showed grace to Noah and the seven others. Why did He do that? Grace is a concept that Christianity and salvation is built on. Was Noah a Holy Man? Well, as I said earlier, you can't be Holy unless you never sin. Noah had sinned. Yet God knows that all man sins. He showed grace to Noah because Noah had kept pure in his ways. He had apparently sought after God. All the others were totally without God. We too would meet death and hell if it weren't for God showing grace to us as well, but we'll get to that later. Therefore, since God loved man, He sent the flood to wipe out all of the wickedness and evil that was on the earth. Therefore, I don't see how you can
call it mass murder. You can't compare it to something that an evil man does, for no man who murders can call themself holy can they? The reason it is not an evil action is because it was due to the fact that God is holy and did it out of His disgust of humanities wickedness.

How come when a bad person is killed no one seems to mourn except those close to the person?
How come noone seems to call it murder when a serial killer is executed? Because of the fact that it is punishment.

Secondly, I have never claimed that I am coming out ahead in this. I have not once called it a debate, but rather a dialogue. There is no competition in a dialogue. So I will ignore that comment.

As for your comment on DNA. I will ignore that one too. The vast differences of the 2% difference in Chimps and us is extreme. We don't look alike, we don't live the same amount of time, we don't think alike. Why would I even want to compare myself with a monkey? I'll leave that to you. I have heard of DNA and so I'll share something with you on that too. You are not thinking of DNA in the complex manner to which it exists. You think that DNA is simple. Each step is formed by pairing up two of the four nucleotides(molecules containing nitrogen in case you didn't know) found in DNA called adenine, thymine, cytosine, and guanine. When cells reproduce, the two rails or strands (these consist of sugar and phosphate molecules in case you didn't know) untwist and separate from each other, then reconnect to other strands to form exact duplicates of the original. For DNA work, it's not enough to have lots of
adenine, thymine, cytosine, and guanine molecules strung together. The nucleotides must be strung together in a precise order and the two strands matched up to convey information to the rest of the cell that determines its overall structure, properties, and functions. In easier words Dale, the nucleotides must be arranged in a highly specific and highly complex order that conveys meaningful instructions. The laws of physics and chemistry are woefully inadequate to explain the origin of DNA as a necessary product of any particular physical occurences or series of chemical reactions, and they certainly can't explain the information content of DNA. Suppose for your sake of argument that DNA could form spontaneously through some series of unguided chemical reactions. Even if such a thing could occur, it would not explain the meaning of the information conveyed by the DNA coding. All of these things lead
me to understand that DNA was created and not the result of purely unguided, unplanned natural processes.

You continually contend that I believe in God purely because I have accepted the notion of God. It's not that I don't see God in anything other than what the Bible says. That would be impossible, but rather I see God in all types of things such as in DNA, which I thank you for bringing up. You however continue to contend that there is no evidence of God. You argue that everything that science reveals is the result of the most perfect coincidence that humanity will ever see. It is a perfect mistake. For that I applaud your faith. To continue to ignore the revelations of God all around you takes the utmost faith. I am not trying to persuade you to accept everything that every Christian you meet says, but rather to ask yourself this question: "Is all of this perfection around us the result of a perfect coincidence and mistake, or rather the work of a Creator?

I have given you enough things to think about over this weekend, and a couple of questions that I would appreciate you making an effort at answering for me.
Even though the statement about Noah was difficult, I took the time and respect to give you a thorough answer. It may not be an acceptable answer to you, but I did respond. I also responded to your statement about DNA. I would appreciate the same respect back.

As for your final two questions on "How old the earth is?" and "How does hell work?" I have simple answers for you. I would state that I believe that the age of the earth is closer to what you claim than what many christians claim. I don't think that the age of the earth is something that God revealed in scriptures and I am fascinated by the "gap theory". I believe that the earth is pretty darn old. Probably millions of years old. And the question of hell is not one that I spend a lot of time on. Being that by my relationship with Christ I have been saved, I don't have to give hell any thought. I have received the grace that I was talking about earlier. Thank God that my sinful self was covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, otherwise I would be headed
straight there.

Well Dale, thanks for continuing to correspond with me, and I hope that this dialogue isn't being disgraced into being viewed as a competition. My hope is that through this dialogue we can both come out as winners.

Your friend,
Todd
_______________________________________

I'm taking a little break from this right now. I'll write Todd back when I feel like it. I know you'll be on the edge of your seats just waiting to see what happens next, if there aren't any good Ron Popiel infomercials on. "Set it, and..."
(By the way, I'm familiar with how DNA works.)

_______________________________________

Todd,

Inasmuch as there is a god for you and there isn't for me, we don't have a competition going, naturally. However, for me this is about the actual existence of a god, and not your faith. I don't care about your faith or anyone's faith, but rather what they do in the name of it. As long as the one influences the other in irrational ways, I will have a problem with organized religion. For me this is about that there simply either is, or isn't, a god, and since our opinions differ, one of us is right and the other isn't. Whether you think that's a disgrace or not is your business. Now more than ever, I don't expect to be able to convince you you're wrong for your faith, but I do expect to draw attention to the utter failure of every single person in history who, as much as he or she would love to, and trying as hard as possible, has never been able to prove god's existence in any way whatsoever. If that isn't a statistic that gets your attention, I don't know what to tell you.

Ok, the Noah thing. You think god's decision to kill everyone on earth, save Noah and the his family and the tree frogs (who of course never harmed a soul), wasn't evil, because the people were evil themselves, all throughout and whatnot. The story goes that ALL the people, children and infants included, were just being awful to one another, "EVIL CONTINUALLY". So god killing practically every living human was justified, because it's god doing it, so it's automatically holy. I get that. And now I can see where our paths to understanding diverge.

You have true power over yourself, one that I can never have and don't want. You have achieved the ability, through sheer willpower and steady doses of religious indoctrination, to convince yourself that it's ok when god kills everyone in the world, and that a boat full of all the animals in the world can exist. This is beyond my ability to reason with, and I feel that identifying this now will save me a lot of time in the future.

I am flabbergasted. I can't compete with your necessarily fanatical devotion to you beliefs, as totally insane as I consider them to be, which I do, and I doubt that anything can. What could everyone possibly have done that would be worse than killing every person in the world? Have bad thoughts going on all the time? Stealing?

It's very sick to entertain for even a moment that this story could contain a shred of a moral lesson. It also just couldn't have occurred on earth, at any time. Don't make me send you a list of all the animals in the world.

I really don't see what the point of emailing you is any more, but for the record, I'd like to see you sweat something, and if you feel like answering, here you go. I can tell you've enjoyed the opportunity to give authoritative answers, as nuts as they have to be to fit in with your overburdened belief system.

How does heaven work? You plan on spending eternity there, so what's the plan? Specifically, when you get there, how will you recognize people? Are they the age they were when they died? That would suck for someone who, say, died really old after they lost a leg in their twenties. I want to hear the story you tell young children, the one you personally approve of, that's so much more realistic than the suicide-bombing Islamic heaven where you get to screw seventy-some-odd virgins forever.

The question you asked me to ask myself in your last email, "Is all of this perfection around us the result of a perfect coincidence and mistake, or rather the work of a Creator?" is shaded, plain and simple. I asked myself, and that's what I said. "The question is framed."

My version of that question goes like this. "Is the world around us the work of a creator, or is there another way it could have come about?" Which of these two questions leads to a more rigorous treatment of facts, to a more honest, objective assessment of the world around us?

I don't want you to think I'm avoiding your questions, but "How come when a bad person is killed no one seems to mourn except those close to the person?" seems to be a question that answers itself, and if you don't mind my saying so, is hopelessly general.

I think that about covers it for now, Todd, so have a good one.

Dale
_______________________________________

Dale,

Thanks again for writing back. The last email you sent me seriously frustrates
me. I don't know exactly what you are wanting. You seem to run around in
circles. The only thing that is going to do it for you is a polaroid photo of
God creating the heavens and the earth, and since you will settle for nothing
else, I guess there is no use keeping a dialogue. I asked you a series of
questions and one of two things is taking place. I asked you the first one
which stated "Could a Holy God not do anything about unholiness?" and you
didn't answer it. You supposively have tons of information regarding the
disprovement of the story of Noah based on geological evidence and you offered
zero. You grasped nothing I said because you won't even take the opportunity to
see this side of the story. If there was a Holy God, and no man is holy, can
you compare the action of God to the action of any man? The answer is no. But
you still returned back to the idea that God has to live by man's rules, when
for the believer it is the opposite. I am not holy, and He is, therefore who am
I to bring an argument against God? I included the statement "How come noone
seems to call it murder when a serial killer is executed? Because of the fact
that it is punishment." in order to show my understanding of the act of the
flood. Yet you don't listen.

You include this statement: " but I do expect to draw attention to the utter
failure of every single person in history who, as much as he or she would love
to, and trying as hard as possible, has never been able to prove god's
existence in any way whatsoever. If that isn't a statistic that gets your
attention, I don't know what to tell you."

You know what grabs my attention even more? The exact opposite is true. No
single person in history has been able to prove that there is no God. In fact
the majority of humans believe in God in one way or the other, so don't try and
make it sound like that is so impressive of a statement. You even admitted that
it's impossible to prove God. Yet this was your first statement of the
dialogue, and you can't seem to bring up anything else.

Whether or not you realize it, you also worship something. You worship in your
own manner, and in my opinion your god is science. Yet doesn't every human die,
due to natural causes. So are the natural events of life evil, since they kill
every human? Science can't pinpoint what causes certain diseases, yet they are
scientific organisms. So is science evil too, since bacterias and all those
cool things kill every human? You always try to think of my God as a human, and
that is where you make the mistake. You can't judge God, because you are less
than Him.

You make the statement that my question on whether everything around us in it's
perfection is the result of a Creator or a perfect coincidence is a plain,
simple, and framed question. On what grounds? All I ask you to answer is where
all of the universes came from if they were not created. Since you don't
believe that there is a beginning, and you don't believe that something can't
come from nothing, where does it come from. You talk evolution and big bang
theory, and those are all nice and supported by science, but wouldn't it be an
honest statement that both of these theories make claim that the perfection
comes from nothing and even better that nothing came to be perfection by
natural coincidence? It isn't a framed question, be honest and state the truth,
it is a question that your beliefs are impossible to have an answer to. That
would be truth. You duck the question and call it framed because your beliefs
have nothing to offer. Where is your evidence, Dale. Give me something.

You used to talk about the burden of proof. Well if you are the prosecutor of
my religion, don't you have to prove without a doubt that my God doesn't exist?
The burden of proof is your responsibility when I ask you a question. How would
you respond if I stated that your Noah question was framed. It was intended to
be a question that would stump me wasn't it? Yet I gave you a detailed answer,
and this email is what you give back to me? I know that you are much more
intelligent than that. Either you are losing interest in the question that you
brought up, or you just arent giving any effort, but sorry man this is pathetic.

Hope you can try and answer at least one question that I've proposed to you.
You don't have to tell me something convincing, just say something at least.
Oh, but I forgot. You believe that nothing can be a powerful thing. Who knows,
your answers of nothing might evolve into something someday, hopefully in the
next time you decide to write.

Frustrated,
Todd

----------------------------------

After the last email you sent me, I decided it was a waste of time discussing this entire subject with you. After taking a while to think about how sorry I am for you, I have finally decided to go ahead and tell you why.

To reply to your last email to me (which was the last straw), you're right! I can't prove that god doesn't exist! However, that is a ridiculous point, because I can't prove that fairies aren't under the garden pushing up the tomatoes, either. Congratulations. Even though it was the icing on the cake, I shouldn't have been surprised. You're full of ridiculous points, and that's it. Hot air is all you have, all you have ever had, and all you will ever have until you yank your head out of the aperture which you euphemistically refer to as your intellectual-coma inducing "faith".

I can't penetrate your slavish devotion to your dogmatic argument style, so until I give up on you my wheels will spin, and I will waste my time trying to explain three dimensions to someone whose worldview is contingent on there being only two. Like the stupid waste of money called the war in Iraq, the quicker I pull out the better off I will be. Why? Because you love this idea you have called god, no serious analysis of any other option can occur, and moreover, when it comes to the actions that the god you claim to know about is written to have taken, you still think he's 1) real and 2) a great guy. Let's take a closer look.

Two quick problems with the book your whole reality is based on:
People can't survive in the belly of a whale for three days.
All the animals in the world don't fit on a boat.

Bonus. Donkeys don't talk. (Numbers 22:28)

As for god:
He thinks mustard seeds are the smallest of the seeds. (Matthew 13:32)
He think the sun revolves around the earth. (Joshua 10:13)
God likes to kill babies, (Deut. 32), and this is the guy who your salvation depends on, because he also says the only way to heaven is through him.
And this guy actually throws a curse on a fig tree.

God is a raving, egocentric maniac. By what moral, ethical or practical standard could you fairly argue otherwise? And you know what? I'm not even arguing with you any more because no matter what, for the sake of what you deem "faith", that doesn't matter. Nothing does.

Because of your chosen proximity to it, you only see one square inch of god's metaphorical ass, and you like it that way. I would too, if my mental health depended on some primitive fantasy, so in a way (although it is a way that makes me want to moan with grief), I understand.

And let me clear something up for you, that you wrote in your last really spectacular, challenging, and impressive email. Science doesn't kill people. Nature does, and nature isn't evil. Nothing is evil. Evil is an idea made up by simpletons like yourself. People who need someone to be mad at because they're too stupid to realize that nature is pitilessly indifferent. Not much meaning in that for you, though. And science is not god to me. I don't know what you've been doing with my emails since you obviously aren't reading them, but I'll repeat myself for old time's sake, since this is the last time I'm having to go through this. Religion makes people complacently stupid, content not to investigate the world around them, and to ruin the lives of people who do. So nice try on the little turn-around.

Take care, Todd, and when you look up into the night sky, just look at it and let that be enough. God's not there, and if he was, he's not good enough to give a shit about.

D

---------------------------------------------

SuperDale,

What in the sam heck have you been up to? Sure did miss visiting with you. Heck
I was kind of getting worried that I was in danger of remaining in an
intellectual coma because unless you save me from it I will remain with my head
stuck up my aperture. Jusk kidding, but it is good to hear from you.

I don't know about all that mumbo-jumbo that you are trying to disquise with
intellectual sounding garbage, but I appreciate the genuine concern. Heck, you
at least seem to break the trend of most atheists who are too selfish to care
about anyone else. Your thoughts about me at least assure me that what we've
talked about has remained in your mind, whether it is because you think I'm a
total moron, or because it causes you to stop and think about what's been
discussed.

Since this is the last time you are going to write me, I just want to say I'll
miss you. You have been one of the smartest fellers I've talked with in a long
time, and for what it's worth I admire your zeal to maintain a creative mind
and for searching for truth. I only hope that you find what you are looking
for, since I have found what I looked for. At least maybe you can take that for
a compliment, and as a sign of my respect for you and your belief in nothing.

As for my faith, I am glad that you see that what I believe in is worth it to
me to not pay attention to such well presented statements such as what you have
given. I guess that means that my faith has stood a pretty darn good test. You
are definitely a smart person, and I wish the best to you, your new wife, and
to all the endeavors that you shall embarketh thee on. Just thought I would
throw in a little King James language in case you don't ever open a bible and
read it for yourself.

On the most serious note though, I do appreciate the time that you allowed me
to engage in with yourself, and I hope that in that time you realize that I am
not your enemy, but I only hope to be your friend. God bless you, and I will be
praying for you.

Your potential friend,
Todd

---------------------------------

[At this point our repartee concludes, and not a moment too soon. I'd rather be doing other things with my time. Todd rejects my attempts at reasonableness, and I either call it quits or slowly go insane. The whole thing reminds me of what an old friend once said abut a restaurant. The food sucks, but at least it's expensive.]