Dear WIllie Nelson

I heard that you got in trouble for having marijuana on your tour bus, and that sucks. But you know what? I'd much rather have to be sent to jail by a government looking out for my best interest than continue to use dangerous drugs.

Check this out. According to the government's website, "the short-term effects of marijuana can include problems with memory and learning; distorted perception; difficulty in thinking and problem solving; loss of coordination; and increased heart rate." It's bad for you! And why would they lie? It's America, man, where the government is of, by, and for the people, so it's really like your conscience telling you not to smoke the wacky tobaccy!

Marijuana anonymous can help, too! They have twelve steps, and it looks like they can help you. With support from people who care, god can rescue you from your shameful addiction. And why would religious people fuck with you? They're trying to save your soul from burning in a lake of fire!

The great singer Pat Boone once said god will get you high, and he won't let you down. So lay down your pipe, William Nelson, and walk side by side with the lord. Then you can tell everybody else what to do all the time, which is way cooler than hiding in your tour bus with a bunch of pothead sinners.

Love, Dale

P.S. I am totally kidding.