I woke up in a cold sweat. June 6 2006, THE MOST EVIL DAY EVER is right around the corner! I've got to warn Todd Horton!
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Hey, Todd, what's crack-a-lackin'? I'm doing good. You know, making the world a better place by working at the hospital on the holy day and ignoring the whole god thing and lusting and coveting and enjoying myself, and just generally outliving the hell out of you.
I thought of you the other day when I wrote down the date and it was 5/6/6. I was electrified with fear. Panicking, I made my way to the mirror and was happy to see that though my face was a mask of contorted fear, my hair hadn't turned white. It does that in the movies sometimes when people are freaked out.
I had to do some things like go watch the races first, but it was still third or fourth thing on my list and now I'm getting around to it. I'm warning you, Todd! Do you realize that in only a month's time, it's going to be 6/6/6!?!
Hurry, Todd, and pray till you can't pray no more. Pray even harder and more seriously than you've ever prayed for anything in your whole life, my friend, because only the lord god almighty (through Jesus, important distinction) can protect you from the clutches of SATAN SATAN SATAN!!!! I'd recommend you really FEEL the prayer. Maybe squeeze out a tear or two. That way god will care extra.
Also, I thought you might benefit from a little tip:
You should do your homework and find out what kind of prayers people are praying. The smart money is, don't pray the prayers that the citizens of New Orleans were praying before god punished them with hurricane katrina. Instead, pray the prayers that George W. Bush was praying before he was fraudulently handed the election in 2004. God's looking out for some people and not others, and there's a reason. It looks like if you could just figure out how to work the system and pray the right way you could come out OK on June 6, 2006.
This is no laughing matter. Your mortal soul, which is (maybe) just a few years away from being proven to exist, depends on it. For real.
I never heard back from you, but take care and keep educating science classes about the folly of their ways. Scrupulous disciplined analysis might be right about everything else, but you're right where it counts... deep down in your soul.
Concerned,
Dale Shipley
http://doublefleea.blogspot.com
Minneapolis, MN
