dear men at vera's cafe
Ahoy there, sailors! I had coffee at Vera's this morning and you looked at my wife and I like we had burned Cher at the stake. What up wit dat? All we did was show up not gay!
The guys behind the counter were awesome and made us an excellent latte. I think they get it; it's about being nice to people. But back to you, the patrons, who will never ever get this letter.
I don't have anything more against your personal choices than that the sky is blue. Sure, you're by and large a bunch of socially retarded, anus-worshipping nimrods, but that's your business. You want to go some place where you can have a nice cup of coffee and not be thrown broken bottles at, and I think all people are entitled to that. I wouldn't try to keep you down! I just want some coffee too! Remember how we're all trying to get along? Or is that just when you're the ones being mistreated? Talk about tolerance all you want, but it's all hot air. Like the hot air that comes out of a butthole. That's right, I said butthole. Does that word excite you? Don't say I never did you a favor. Jackasses.
Maybe none of you could accomplish the AMAZINGLY easy task of hooking up with another gay dude ON A FRIDAY NIGHT IN MINNEAPOLIS and that's why you were all up so early in such a catty mood.
Not to abandon the constructive approach. The t-shirts that you can buy at Vera's otherwise not wholly distasteful emporium read "Hot. Strong. Filled with cream.", and do not perturb me in the least, though I do wish you could persuade the management to draw attention to some cultural contribution homosexuals have made (say, petitioning and marching for equal civil rights) rather than advertising the fact that you have semen in places that other men do not, and that this is ostensibly something to celebrate. News flash! That's not hip, dudes. It's just really, really nasty.
So buck up! Wipe that spooge out of your asshole! Turn a new leaf! Once you start acting nicer we can all have a cup of coffee together. Thanks!
The guys behind the counter were awesome and made us an excellent latte. I think they get it; it's about being nice to people. But back to you, the patrons, who will never ever get this letter.
I don't have anything more against your personal choices than that the sky is blue. Sure, you're by and large a bunch of socially retarded, anus-worshipping nimrods, but that's your business. You want to go some place where you can have a nice cup of coffee and not be thrown broken bottles at, and I think all people are entitled to that. I wouldn't try to keep you down! I just want some coffee too! Remember how we're all trying to get along? Or is that just when you're the ones being mistreated? Talk about tolerance all you want, but it's all hot air. Like the hot air that comes out of a butthole. That's right, I said butthole. Does that word excite you? Don't say I never did you a favor. Jackasses.
Maybe none of you could accomplish the AMAZINGLY easy task of hooking up with another gay dude ON A FRIDAY NIGHT IN MINNEAPOLIS and that's why you were all up so early in such a catty mood.
Not to abandon the constructive approach. The t-shirts that you can buy at Vera's otherwise not wholly distasteful emporium read "Hot. Strong. Filled with cream.", and do not perturb me in the least, though I do wish you could persuade the management to draw attention to some cultural contribution homosexuals have made (say, petitioning and marching for equal civil rights) rather than advertising the fact that you have semen in places that other men do not, and that this is ostensibly something to celebrate. News flash! That's not hip, dudes. It's just really, really nasty.
So buck up! Wipe that spooge out of your asshole! Turn a new leaf! Once you start acting nicer we can all have a cup of coffee together. Thanks!
posted by dale at 1:13 PM
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